What fulfilling your purpose really is

When we say, “I want to fulfill my purpose,” we often mean, I want to figure out what my purpose really is, and then act on it.

This implies that you don’t know what it is already, or that you don’t yet have a purpose.

Let me just make this really simple for you: Your purpose is to return to live with God someday. That’s it. That’s all. Are you doing what is necessary?

Awesome. Now what?

If you look up “purpose” in the topical guide, the first thing is says is “See also, Desire.” It also lists “Will” as an alternative to look into.

This makes me think that our purpose is just our desire, aka, our will.

Huh.

Then if you check out all the scripture references below Purpose in the topical guide, desire can be replaced for each one, and it is enlightening:

Every desire is established by council.
A time to every desire under the heaven
This is the will that is desired upon the whole earth.

I could keep going, but you can check it out for yourself here.

I have heard it said by my coaching mentors, there are only two reasons why people hire a life coach:

  1. Because they know what they want (their purpose), but they need help doing it, or
  2. Because they don’t know what they want. (their purpose)

I love that I get to help people discover and live out their purposes, their true desires.

And I love that it always starts with my faith.

If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to meet with me for free. Let me help you figure out your purpose or how to live it. You’ll leave this free 60 minute session with a deeper understanding of yourself and some next steps. Sign up here.

In the meantime, go think about what you really want.

Becoming the Woman the Lord Intended

My whole life I have been driven by wondering who the Lord wants me to be and to become her.

Can you relate?

How do I know? If an angel were to come declare it to me, could I– would I– do whatever it takes to be her?

Am I falling short, or am I on the right track?

In the Bible Dictionary under “Faith” it says, one effect “of true faith in Jesus Christ [is] an actual knowledge that the course of life one is pursuing is acceptable to the Lord.

The first time I read this, it was like getting the breath knocked out of my body! How did someone write these exact words that describes what I yearn for so much?

Here’s what I have come to know in my almost 40 years on this earth:

  1. I am already her. God created me before this earth life. He gave me talents and gifts and desires that make me uniquely me. I can’t NOT BE her.
  2. My actions do not determine if I am being the woman the Lord intended. My actions come from who I am. I can’t act or earn my way to being her. Being is in our identity.
  3. Behind this question- how do I become the woman the Lord intended me to be?– is the desire for God’s approval. And what I would think I would feel if, somehow, I could know I had God’s approval. For me it’s love. Maybe confidence. Maybe free.
  4. I am making it too complicated (and I’m sure you are too). God’s work is to help me and everyone else achieve eternal life. That’s it. It’s not more than that. I have made covenants and continue to do the work to stay worthy of eternal life.

So now I just decide that I believe I am the woman the Lord intended me to be. Already. Done.

Now what?

{Let me just be clear: I am not saying that there aren’t things God wants us to DO. He certainly had a work for Joseph Smith, and I am sure he has a work for each of us.}

Now we get to do our work FROM the confidence that we are the person God wants us to be. Our action isn’t geared toward figuring that out– FOR being the person God wants us to become. We are that much closer to accomplishing our work in the world…. which will help us become our future eternal selves even more!

So go do it, Sister! Don’t spin in questions and doubt about your identity. Just assume your identity is set and go from there. Obstacles will define you even more and help you learn and grow yourself.

I can’t wait to see what you do! Come back and let me know.

Love,
Denita

To all the LDS ladies: You are enough. Really, you are.

You. Are. Enough.

No. Hear me: You are enough! Right now, exactly the way you are.

You are enough for the job, for the calling, for the kids, for the husband, or for whatever else is going on in your life.

You have done everything “right.” And you still feel a lack in your life.

It’s because what you DO doesn’t determine how you feel.

You kept the standards of the Church. You served the mission. You never say no to a calling. You got married in the temple. You had the kids.

And now you don’t know what you want or who you are.

It’s because you were doing all those things for the wrong reasons, and now you are tired of chasing your happiness.

You thought that if you did what everyone told you, you would feel better. You would feel good.

Wrong.

I know– the way our Church leaders talk make it seem like that’s what will happen. They say that if you are obedient, blessings will come. If you have the Spirit, everything will work out.

They aren’t wrong, and you aren’t wrong.

It’s just that you took their words and made it mean that you should DO certain things. And certainly there are certain actions that qualify or disqualify us.

But it matters with what energy you check all the boxes.

Stop focusing on the actions! Stop trying to go to the temple every week or show up to every single activity even when you don’t really want to. Stop going through the motions of your calling and wondering if it’s really worth it. Stop putting on the make-up because someone might see you. Stop dwelling on what you said or did that you shouldn’t have.

Stop it all.

And start believing.

Believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Savior of the world. Believe that the doctrines of the Church are true. Believe that you are blessed and that more blessings are coming. Believe that the one blessing you reeeeeeally want is on it’s way. Believe that you are exactly where you need to be on the path that will eventually bring joy and fulfillment. Believe that you can feel joy and excitement and fun NOW. Believe that your desires are not bad and don’t make you bad. Believe that you are enough exactly the way you are.

When you truly, madly, deeply believe these things (and more), you will start to FEEL them in your body. That’s how you will know you believe them. And then what to DO will become clear.

When your mind is in the right place, your actions will be too. You will keep the standards of the Church for the right reasons or not at all. You will do the calling or go to the temple or read your scriptures because you love the Lord, not because you are trying to “get blessings.”

The Lord wants you because He loves you. But he isn’t going to force or chase. You have to come to Him for the right reasons. If you feel like he is ignoring you, maybe he is just waiting for you to truly love him first. Maybe the blessings you have already received match devotion you have already given.

God is asking us to raise the bar, to lengthen our stride, to be more committed. By necessity, that means that some people will be left behind. We are in a refining time in our Church. We are at a turning point. And it feels uncomfortable. It’s supposed to.

The question is: what do you really want to believe? Not because it will bring blessings, but because it feels right to you?

I hope you want to believe you are enough. Jesus Christ made you so with his sacrifice.

***

If you want help with your unbelief, let’s have a conversation together. This is why I’m here. I promise I won’t try to get you to think or do anything. I am only here to help you discover who you are and what you want. But I am the perfect one for you, because I have lived with the Gospel and without it. I understand both ways. And I don’t think there is a right or a wrong way for you. I just think there is a way. Figuring it out is your work. I can be your loving, gentle, non-judgmental guide.

You are only one click away: calendly.com/denitabremercoaching

Negative emotion never comes from God.

While I was listening to this podcast today, (it’s so good, go listen to it!) I had a bit of an epiphany:

All positive emotion is from God.

All negative emotion is from the adversary.

In my opinion, these thoughts line up with this scripture:

For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.

Moroni 7:16

Kurt Francom suggests that God is never disappointed in us in the podcast I mentioned. He gives lots of great evidence why this is. So I thought to myself, “Where does disappointment come from then?”

My first thought was that it comes from ourselves. But as I thought more, I came to the conclusion that the person who is ultimately the most disappointed is Satan. He must be living in disappointment from not keeping his first estate. And for centuries, he has seen how he missed the boat.

So what if God really never has any negative emotion toward us? What if he is just cheering us on, encouraging us, listening, loving?

I like to think of him watching us as if we are mice in a maze. He might be amused, but He is still also being our fan.

And what if, because of the principle of opposition in all things, Satan is the only one discouraging and confusing us, tearing us down, and making us feel bad?

I used to think there was a place for negative emotion such as guilt if it compels us to make positive changes. But now I see that guilt is just a mis-match between our personal values and our behavior.

Of course, it is human to feel negative emotion. It is part of being here on earth. We are in a fallen state.

I like to think that the mortal part of us naturally listens to the adversary. And our spirits naturally listen to the Spirit.

If we are never confused that the Spirit will only offer us positive emotion, then if we are feeling “bad,” we know that is coming from the adversary.

So, who do you want to listen to? And can you give yourself permission to learn from the negative emotion and listen to the positive?