The Knowing Within

It’s nothing short of a miracle that I turned out to be a fairly functional person.

My parents were teenagers when I was born. And alcoholics, drug addicts and high school drop-outs. Although they were both brilliant in their own right.

There was very little money. I remember my parents getting into a fight because I wanted a tennis skirt. (But of course always money for beer and weed (and sometimes speed or cocaine.))

We lived in the middle-of-nowhere-town where opportunities were limited.

I was sexually molested by an extended family member.

I was bullied and teased by both classmates and even a teacher.

And yet. Here I am. Living the “American Dream.”

So many people in similar situations never make it out. I often ask myself how I did it.

I doubted and shamed myself, lived in constant fear and insecurity, but SOMEHOW when it came to the big important things, I was able to listen to the knowing voice inside of me.

Instead of giving into the sex-and-drugs culture I was raised in, I always knew that wasn’t the life for me. My buffer wasn’t alcohol, pot, attention from boys (well maybe a little!), crime or self-harm, but over-achievement. It served me well for a long time. I was driven toward college, even though my parents supported me in anything. I took the “hard” route.

When my mom died before I graduated from college, I didn’t give in to the blaming and family drama and depression. The knowing voice kept me strong and putting one foot in front of the other.

When my husband and I had to figure out what a good marriage looked like without any models, we both turned to the knowing voices within.

When I had the seemingly perfect Christian suburban life, yet I was desperately unhappy still, I didn’t allow myself to give up. The knowing voice within told me it was possible to be happy and fulfilled. And I kept searching until I found the answer.

Listen. If it’s possible for me, it’s possible for you. The odds were stacked against me, so I know no matter how steep this mountain looks, you can climb it!

If you want to live the American Dream, let me help you. Sign up for a free consultation call here.

An exercise for sexual triggers

If you have any history of sexual abuse or trauma of any kind, a likely experience regarding sex in your marriage is getting triggered.

I have a simple but powerful exercise to address this.

Journal out what happened to you. Try to remember as much detail as possible. This will most likely be an emotional experience. Pay attention to these emotions. Take note of what you are feeling and why. 

If you are afraid of being triggered, recognize that what you are really afraid of is feeling how you felt while the trauma was happening or immediately afterward. 

Let me use an example:

You might be afraid to be triggered because it makes you feel out of control. 

When you feel out of control, you want to shut down.

When you shut down, you get the result of feeling like you will always be afraid of trigger and feeling out of control. 

Notice that in this example, you are afraid of feeling out of control, but you already ARE out of control.

What if you could just feel out of control? 

Photo by Maia Habegger on Unsplash

You don’t need to be afraid of a feeling. 

A feeling is just a vibration in your body. 

You are human and therefore an expert in emotions. You feel emotions every day.

Releasing yourself from fearing the feeling takes off one layer of emotion and gets you closer to how you actually want to feel. 

Welcome the feeling. 

Name it when it happens.

Describe it in your body. 

It will come and go in waves, and eventually it may never come back.

Love you friend. 

Go forth and feel those feelings!