It’s nothing short of a miracle that I turned out to be a fairly functional person.
My parents were teenagers when I was born. And alcoholics, drug addicts and high school drop-outs. Although they were both brilliant in their own right.
There was very little money. I remember my parents getting into a fight because I wanted a tennis skirt. (But of course always money for beer and weed (and sometimes speed or cocaine.))
We lived in the middle-of-nowhere-town where opportunities were limited.
I was sexually molested by an extended family member.
I was bullied and teased by both classmates and even a teacher.
And yet. Here I am. Living the “American Dream.”
So many people in similar situations never make it out. I often ask myself how I did it.
I doubted and shamed myself, lived in constant fear and insecurity, but SOMEHOW when it came to the big important things, I was able to listen to the knowing voice inside of me.
Instead of giving into the sex-and-drugs culture I was raised in, I always knew that wasn’t the life for me. My buffer wasn’t alcohol, pot, attention from boys (well maybe a little!), crime or self-harm, but over-achievement. It served me well for a long time. I was driven toward college, even though my parents supported me in anything. I took the “hard” route.
When my mom died before I graduated from college, I didn’t give in to the blaming and family drama and depression. The knowing voice kept me strong and putting one foot in front of the other.
When my husband and I had to figure out what a good marriage looked like without any models, we both turned to the knowing voices within.
When I had the seemingly perfect Christian suburban life, yet I was desperately unhappy still, I didn’t allow myself to give up. The knowing voice within told me it was possible to be happy and fulfilled. And I kept searching until I found the answer.
Listen. If it’s possible for me, it’s possible for you. The odds were stacked against me, so I know no matter how steep this mountain looks, you can climb it!
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