When you hear people talk about creating their “dream life” do you get cynical like I do? Maybe I just hear it too much as a life coach? I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts and it made me roll my eyes at first, but then it created a huge breakthrough for me. Listen in as I explain it all.
The other day I was listening to Amber Smith’s Conscious Coach Podcast while out for a walk. The episode was titled, “This is my dream life!”
Honestly, when I saw the title and heard Amber (whom I really like) start talking, I gave a giant internal eye roll. (If I’m being totally honest, it irks me a little bit when coaches try to sell their lifestyle instead of actually helping me right now right here.)
But I kept listening because Amber has created a certain amount of trust in me, and even if I don’t like or agree with the overall message, there are always gems that apply to me in every piece of content.
I wanted to tell her, “It’s all great for you, Amber, your kids are still young! Just wait until they get older and more than one of them tell you things that shake your expectations of who you thought they would be!
Wait until more than one of your kids turn to suicidal thoughts because this life is just too much to bare.
Would this still be your dream life then?”
I was in full-blown pity party now and I allowed my brain to keep going.
“You still have your mom, Amber! But mine has been gone for over 20 years, and it’s hard to do life without a mom! What if you had literally ZERO family, Amber??”
“No aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins or siblings to turn to, to support you through the hard times.”
“What if your dad was in prison? What if he had literally never called you in your entire life and you don’t actually know if he even loves you? WOULD THIS STILL BE YOUR “DREAM LIFE” THEN, AMBER?!?”
Whoa.
Let your feelings out
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my self-development process, it’s to allow the feelings to come up. Don’t push them away, don’t shove them back down. Even if you are walking in public.
And so I did.
Bitterness.
Anger.
Sad.
So, so much sadness.
Alone, lonely.
Unfair.
Resistance.
Anger.
Confusion.
Sorrow.
I rode that wave of emotion and came to a more calm place.
Questioning what you have
I don’t know if it was the fact that I was outside surrounded by the grounding influence of blue sky, green grass and trees, insects carrying on with their lives, or if it is now just my habit to watch myself and be curious…
But from this place of calm after the emotional storm, I started questioning everything that had just happened internally.
“What does all that have to do with your dream life?”
“Why do all those things prevent you from living your dream life?”
“What is your dream life? How would you know if you’re living it?”
“What are you focusing on?”
“What do you want to focus on?”
And I started feeling a little bit guilty and prideful. Honestly, I started feeling really human.
I know that I am blessed beyond my own ability to measure.
I have so much.
And also, I still hold lots of pain within me.
That’s what it means to be human.
And it’s all part of the plan.
I’m supposed to feel this way.
And suddenly the resistance faded away.
And then I had this thought: This is my dream life.
I have the most amazing husband who has been a steady, loving force in my life. He was literally a gift from God just before losing my mom. I am not really alone.
My kids are sincerely each amazing. They are intelligent and funny and unique people. It is clear to me that while I may have an influence on them, they came to me with individual personalities, each a gift from heaven too, here to teach me and shape and change me far more than I do for them.
I have so much privilege: a college education, not only one but two houses to own, freedom of religion, and I live in the beautiful land of choice. I feel safe all day most days. Blessed. Beyond. Measure.
My perspective changed. There may be some hard things in my life, but I actually am living my dream life.
Reframe your mind
At first I kept repeating, “This is my dream life.” And then I added, “despite the hard things.” This is my dream life despite the hard things. But as that sentence burrowed deeper into my heart it came out as, “This is my dream life BECAUSE of the hard things.”
And that feels really true, resonant even.
My logical brain doesn’t quite understand it, but I think I am living my dream life because of all the difficulties I’ve been through, not despite them.
It reminds me of the statement Eve makes in the temple, “It is better for us to pass through sorrow that we may learn the good from the evil.”
It makes all the sorrow and confusion a little easier. Like it has a purpose, even if I can’t see it all right now. But that’s okay, because I know how to live by faith, and it’s a pretty dreamy way to do life.
As I kept walking and thinking after listening to that podcast episode, I noticed myself saying “This is my dream life…. but….my kid is really struggling. …but…I have to eat gluten and dairy free. …but… I feel overlooked at church. And I realized each of these buts was my perception of what makes my life NOT my dream life. I could take note of each of these buts and solve them until I have no other excuses but to admit I’m living my dream life.
You can do this exercise to figure out what’s getting in the way of this being your dream life:
- Every day write down or say to yourself “This is my dream life.”
- Notice how your mind and body respond.
- Stay curious
I’d love to know: Are you living your dream life? What is getting in the way of your dream life?
I would love to continue the conversation with you! What makes it difficult for you to feel good? Please let me know by emailing podcast@denitabremer.com .
If you feel blessed, but not good, maybe you aren’t perceiving your life to be your dream life.
I’m holding an Ask Denita Anything session this Wednesday, July 31st at 11 am MDT. No registration, no fee, and no reminders besides this one. Come to connect, to get coaching, or just to receive some validation on how you feel. No question is off limits. The Zoom link is in the show notes.
If this podcast episode was helpful to you at all, would you please leave a rating and a review and let me know? You can also share it with a friend to pay me the highest compliment!
That’s enough for now, and so are you!
Cello music is written, recorded and produced by Jacqueline Walker.
This podcast is recorded by me, Denita Bremer, and produced by Jasmine Reynolds.
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