Episode 39: The Trap of Speaking Up

This week, I reflect on several instances when I spoke up and when I stayed quiet and the threads I learned. This episode is partially me processing what being “shy” has meant to me, based off of what I am learning about my nervous system. I focus on how I was made to feel alone and abandoned or hurt and ashamed.

This episode was sparked by an experience I had when I felt myself get really nervous and stumble over my words in front of one of my coaches and mentors. I got curious about what was happening, an I realized that my nervous system was both in “freeze” and “flight” mode. Then I had several memories come the the surface that felt similar.

I realized that the identity of being shy, that I was given by my parents as a child, was really a similar nervous system response.

As I reflected on these many memories from childhood, I saw patterns emerging. When I speak up, I feel alone, ostracized, abandoned. When I don’t speak up, I hurt others or myself. Quite the catch-22!

I know now that I can recognize this pattern, but there are other options I can choose. I hope this helps you navigate your desires to speak up or stay quiet too.

Denita

If you would like my Starter Guide for a Shame Proof Life, click HERE. If you would like to schedule a free listening session, click HERE.

Episode 38: My Board of Directors… so to speak

I had so much fun last week talking about Mr. Thornton and why he was impactful for me, that I’m at it again. This time I talk about 3 people who were impactful– two more teachers and an extended family member. I’m learning a lot from reflecting on this theme. It’s teaching me what I really want in my life and in my business. It has been so useful! I encourage you to reflect on and journal about people who were impactful to you and why. I think you might learn something about yourself!

Mr. Sandberg was my band instructor from 4th grade until 11th grade. He taught me about passion. He gave me a space to be myself and feel like I belong.

Mrs. Gadberry was my 6th grade classroom teacher. After a difficult year, and before junior high, she was a bright spot in my life. She helped me to realize that learning could be fun instead of so serious. She created a wonderful classroom culture and met me where I was.

Aunt Kathy is one of the reasons I believe I was supposed to marry my husband. She is the epitome of human unconditional love and genuine interest.

Each of these people teaches me what I want to feel in my life and what I want my clients to feel when they work with me.

Speaking of clients– would you like to be one of mine? I am enrolling now for my BRAND NEW private coaching program School of Self. This program is for anyone who wants to learn how to fully accept and love themselves by diving deep into who they are. In the process you will build strong relationships with your kids and spouse (and anyone else in your life!). If you like what you hear on the podcast, you will love coaching with me. Click HERE to schedule a free chat to see if School of Self is a good fit for you. There is absolutely no obligation AND you’ll walk away understanding your own personal blocks. Win-win!

Are you following me on Instagram? I share more of my life (is that even possible?) and interesting tidbits there.

Do you have my Guide to a Shame-proof Life yet? You can download it HERE.

Until next time, go be you and follow the Spirit!

Denita

Episode 35: Yelling at Your Kids

In this episode I divulge some “shameful” things about my parenting… yelling at my kids. I also discuss: 

  • Why you might feel like you can’t stop yelling at your kids.
  • What you need to understand to stop yelling at your kids. 
  • Why the Model might not work to help you stop yelling at your kids.
  • Where yelling is in a vicious cycle.
  • How your parents are affecting your parenting.
  • How yelling does NOT mean you are a bad mom/parent.

How to connect with me:

Denita

Episode 27: The Laundromat

For 5 years we had no running water or electricity in our home. We had to haul water, and haul our laundry to and from the laundromat in the small town I grew up in. And over time, it became a surprisingly special place to me. 

In this episode, I talk about why it was special. And I talk about a few specific memories I have in relationship to the laundromat. 

I even mention a realization about laundry and the laundromat that help me today!

Do you have any special places in your life, similar to mine in this episode?

Thank you for rating, reviewing and sharing the podcast! If you wouldn’t mind doing me one more favor, I would appreciate it if you would fill out my survey: https://forms.gle/4S2uF9xRY6cgFp4c9

Episode 25: From Ugly to Beautiful

Many women (people) struggle with their body image. 

I used to think I was ugly. Even after 15+ years of my husband’s compliments and assurances, I still believed I was ugly. 

Until one day I had this realization. Listen in to hear what simple phrase- that we hear all the time- shifted things for me. 

And please fill out this questionnaire for a free coaching session: 
https://forms.gle/ES4fSrXgU1MBvLqJA

XO,
Denita

Episode 15: Shame over my Teeth

Do you have that one part of your body that you just really don’t like? For me it has been my teeth since I was about 10 years old. I talk about it in this episode.

For you, it may be a different part of your body, but the feelings and principles might be the same.

If you are interested in exploring life coaching with me to address the shame you feel, schedule a free call here.

What I see in the mirror isn’t “right”

Yesterday, I looked in the mirror and I thought, “It doesn’t match what I see on the inside.” For basically my whole life I’ve thought I was ugly. But yesterday I realized ‘ugly’ wasn’t the right word. I don’t know the word for it. It’s just what I SEE isn’t “right.” Maybe the problem is in my physical-ness. I could straighten those teeth (again), finally cure that rosacea, get the right haircut, do my eyebrows, etc, etc.

Or maybe (likely) the problem is in HOW I interpret the data coming in at me. That’s the work I’ve been doing for a while (3 years? 1 year? 15 years?) I no longer think I am ugly— we’ve come a long way from that, but I’m still not “satisfied” so to speak.

Maybe this journey will never be done, but I do know that I am on a mission to love myself fiercely in every way.

One thing I notice is my pretty recent craving for bigger earrings. {Do you like these new ones from Estes Park?} Sometimes I want bright red lipstick. Sometimes I think about dying streaks of red or purple in that virgin hair. I’m 40, and it’s not a mid-life crisis, but a mid-life awakening. All things that I *think* might close the gap between how I look and how I feel. Because every day that passes I feel more like a strong, powerful, confident, smart, leader and coach. Every day that passes I gain a stronger desire to be loud— in one way or another.

What do you think? Does my look match my vibe? How about for you?

If you are ready to match what you see on the outside to what you feel on the inside, download my free Starter Guide to a Shame-proof Life here.