The price of nice is high! It’s costing us our health, well being, our spiritual identity and purpose on this earth. Jesus Christ himself was not always nice; he was revolutionary. Listen in to this episode to see how being nice might be preventing your from feeling good.


Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

I’ll tell you who: your husband, your kids, your neighbor, that one lady in Relief Society… Everybody!

We don’t realize how much we fear everyone around us, and what they think of us.

Fear doesn’t always show up as fear. Often it’s anxiety or confusion. Sometimes it’s embarrassment or shame. It could show up in a variety of ways.

You Can’t Always Be Nice!

This podcast episode is brought to you by one of my soul-aligned clients. She said something and then I went off on a Voxer rant, and I felt like you should be a part of this conversation because I think this topic applies to most all of us.

This wonderful, amazing, client said, “I’m afraid to not be nice.” Ah yes, the price of nice. Do you know what the fear of not being nice is doing to us? It is robbing us from our true identities and our soul callings in the world! And it’s literally making us sick.

There are studies that suggest there is a strong link between some forms of autoimmune disease and people-pleasing tendencies.

The price of nice is HIGH.

Christ Was Not Nice

In Matthew 23:33, speaking to the scribes and pharisees: Ye serpents, yegeneration of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?

He saw right through their hypocrisy and evil and told them straight to their faces what he saw. But I’m also sure if any one of them decided to repent and truly change, he would welcome them into the fold in a heartbeat.

We might not be quite so bold, since it is not our place to judge other people’s hearts, but are we willing to call the kettle black when it’s appropriate.

Speaking of “when it’s appropriate,” there is a time and a place for this. And it’s important to take that into consideration.

Evidence of time and place

In Matthew 15:21-28 Jesus essentially calls a woman a dog. He at first refuses to give her the blessing that she wants because she is not of the house of Israel. He is exclusionary, which we would not consider nice in our day and age. Interestingly, through her humility and faith she does receive the blessing she seeks.

This speaks to time and place, or the appropriateness of a situation. I am in no way suggesting that we should always be boldly honest. We do need to understand time and place.

In Mark 11, Christ throws out the money changers from the temple, the quintessential angry Christ story. This story is bookended by the story of him cursing a poor fig tree. It wasn’t even fig season, so was Jesus just hangry? I don’t think so.

I think the story of the fig tree was meant to show that Christ’s words are true and powerful. He will create what he says he will, including a clean temple. Whether he is praising you or warning you; do you trust His word?

Luke 14:26 Jesus says that in order to be His disciple you have to hate your family and even yourself! Is that nice? Is that agreeable? Nope! His standards are high and nothing short of his standards will work.

Jesus Christ was a revolutionary for his time.

He was willing to say the hard truths. He was willing to call people out, to tell them what they didn’t want to hear—cough, cough, the rich young ruler— I keep the commandments, I serve people, but when the Lord tells him to sell everything he has, “he goes away sorrowing.”

Would we be willing to tell someone the hard truth that will help them become more of who they are meant to be, IF they are willing to do it? Are we willing to say the hard things knowing they could potentially transform someone? Or do we shy away because we are afraid of not being nice?

Embody Your Identity

I think what makes Jesus Christ so powerful is that…

1. He knew who he was, which includes knowing who Heavenly Father was

2. He knew His purpose on earth

3. He embodied those two things perfectly.

We can follow His example and do the same— know who we are, know who God is, know our purpose and embody our identity and our purpose.

This will require us to stand in our own truth even if it means not being “nice” to others. Being yourself is a gift to the world. When you live in your full truth and purpose, the world benefits.

When we opt for being nice, most of the time we will be accommodating, or pleasant, or agreeable AT THE EXPENSE of our own truth and the opportunity to help others transform.

This is what I do in my coaching programs. I help you discover who you are and who you’ve always been so that you can move forward “boldly to the throne of God,” fulfilling your purpose with truth and love.

Come to my free Fear Not Workshop, where I can help you gain clarity on where some form of fear is coming up as an obstacle to knowing yourself and your purpose in God. The link for details is in the show description.

If you feel blessed, but not good, maybe you are being too nice at the expense of your own health and wellness.

I would love to continue the conversation with you! What makes it difficult for you to feel good? Please let me know by emailing or come find me on Instagram or Facebook at Denita Bremer.

Last thing, before I send you off: This is a new podcast and I think it has the potential to do a lot of good in the world. If you would like to be a part of my mission of helping people feel better with a Christian perspective, please leave the podcast a review.

That’s enough for now, and so are you!


Cello music is written, recorded and produced by Jacqueline Walker.

This podcast is recorded by me, Denita Bremer, and produced by Jasmine Reynolds.