Our hearts–the sum total of our desires, affections, intentions, motives, and attitudes– define who we are and determine what we will become.
David A. Bednar
You can totally reverse-engineer this one: who do you want to be? That will tell you what your desires, affections, intentions, motives and attitudes should be.
Tell us- what is one of these specifically you would like to develop in order to become the person you want to be?
Me? I want to develop my desire to be heard and seen for the benefit of others. I tend to believe that I don’t have much to add that is helpful. And I hide and stay small by default.
I have some stories to share about that, but for now, just ponder what you could decipher in yourself. And then come comment to make it a real intention.
If you need help figuring out who you want to be, I would love to help you. Download my free Starter Guide for a Shame-proof Life here.
My whole life I have been driven by wondering who the Lord wants me to be and to become her.
Can you relate?
How do I know? If an angel were to come declare it to me, could I– would I– do whatever it takes to be her?
Am I falling short, or am I on the right track?
In the Bible Dictionary under “Faith” it says, one effect “of true faith in Jesus Christ [is] an actual knowledge that the course of life one is pursuing is acceptable to the Lord.
The first time I read this, it was like getting the breath knocked out of my body! How did someone write these exact words that describes what I yearn for so much?
Here’s what I have come to know in my almost 40 years on this earth:
I am already her. God created me before this earth life. He gave me talents and gifts and desires that make me uniquely me. I can’t NOT BE her.
My actions do not determine if I am being the woman the Lord intended. My actions come from who I am. I can’t act or earn my way to being her. Being is in our identity.
Behind this question- how do I become the woman the Lord intended me to be?– is the desire for God’s approval. And what I would think I would feel if, somehow, I could know I had God’s approval. For me it’s love. Maybe confidence. Maybe free.
I am making it too complicated (and I’m sure you are too). God’s work is to help me and everyone else achieve eternal life. That’s it. It’s not more than that. I have made covenants and continue to do the work to stay worthy of eternal life.
So now I just decide that I believe I am the woman the Lord intended me to be. Already. Done.
Now what?
{Let me just be clear: I am not saying that there aren’t things God wants us to DO. He certainly had a work for Joseph Smith, and I am sure he has a work for each of us.}
Now we get to do our work FROM the confidence that we are the person God wants us to be. Our action isn’t geared toward figuring that out– FOR being the person God wants us to become. We are that much closer to accomplishing our work in the world…. which will help us become our future eternal selves even more!
So go do it, Sister! Don’t spin in questions and doubt about your identity. Just assume your identity is set and go from there. Obstacles will define you even more and help you learn and grow yourself.
I can’t wait to see what you do! Come back and let me know.
With it being the Sabbath, I wanted to give you some thoughts about sex in religion and how the two can go together.
Many women have this belief that sex is dirty or wrong. But it is also the way to create children, which are “an heritage of the Lord.” Sometimes the messages around sex, coming from religion get a little mixed up.
God created man and woman. If God is a perfect, and he created our bodies, then our bodies are perfect. The female body has a tiny little organ that is meant strictly for pleasure: the clitoris. Why would God create the female body with a clitoris, in which the only purpose is pleasure, if he didn’t want women to have pleasure during sex?
Your sexuality is an essential part of you. It’s like the color of your eyes, your preference for certain foods, etc. I believe God wants us to each love ourselves and see our true potentials and work toward them. But what happens when we try to repress or ignore an essential part of our selves? (It doesn’t feel good!) We can’t work toward something we are ignoring.
If part of our identity as a child of God is to be good and pure or righteous, and we think that sex is dirty or shameful, then the two are in opposition to each other. We have to first accept sex as something that God wants for us– something that can help us to reach our potential. We must view sex as beautiful and good. It has to align with our identity for it to feel good and bring us closer to God.
What if sex was akin to the sacrament? Partaking of the sacrament is eating a symbolic piece of bread and drinking a symbolic sip of water. They represent Christ’s body and blood, respectively. We actually ingest them into our bodies as a way to literally become more like Christ. We have to allow “Christ” to enter our bodies. When we have sex, we are allowing someone else’s body to enter our bodies. It requires openness and vulnerability. When two people willingly partake in this activity together with shared goals, it brings them closer together. They share a part of their souls with one another. Biologically speaking, oxytocin in released during this process, which quite literally bonds them together. (This, in my opinion, is one reason we are taught to keep sex within marriage. Complete fidelity could suggest bonding in this way with only one person.)
Of course, I have no way of knowing the mind of God. But these ideas help me to think of sex as a holy, sacred act that brings me closer to my husband and also closer to God. I love the simple image of a triangle with husband, wife, and God at each corner. When we individually try to get closer to God, we naturally become closer to one another. And when we try to become closer to each other, we naturally become closer to God.
Thinking of sex this way helps me drop any guilt, shame or negativity in general and compels me to try to make sex a regular part of my marriage. I hope the same is true for you!
I have not eaten chocolate of any kind since December 31st, 2018.
That’s 95 days including today.
For a 2019 stretch-goal, I decided to go chocolate-free for the entire year.
This is kinda a big deal.
Americans are addicted to sugar. I am addicted to sugar, and especially chocolate.
I’ve gone without chocolate once in the past for up to 4 months to cure some newborn baby tummy issues when I was nursing, but it has been infinitely easier this time. Other than that one time, I rarely have gone without chocolate for more than a day or two.
I just told myself “I am not a chocolate eater in 2019.”
And voila! Very few cravings, and it has been- dare I say it– EASY.
James Clear talks about this in his new book Atomic Habits:
“Behavior that is incongruent with the self will not last. You may want more money, but if your identity is someone who consumes rather than creates, then you’ll continue to be pulled toward spending rather than earning. You may want better health, but if you continue to prioritize comfort over accomplishment, you’ll be drawn to relaxing rather than training. It’s hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying beliefs that led to your past behavior. You have a new goal and a new plan, but you haven’t changed who you are.” (pg 32)
At the time I made the goal, I had an inkling about the power of identity shifts, but I had never put it into action in my own life.
And I have been thoroughly surprised by how quick and deep this shift has been.
I don’t think it is quick and easy every time for every person, but it is worth a try if you have been struggling with a habit for a while.
