Sexual desire is a feeling that can be changed, but should you change it?

Are there sexual desire differences in your marriage?

Chances are you just said “Yes.”

Because it’s virtually impossible to be perfectly matched.

So what can you do about it?

Most people want to change their desire.

Society tells us that the lower desire partner should increase their desire.

(Because clearly, that’s the “better” way to do sexual desire.)

Why would you want to change your desire?

Really think about that.

Would it make things easier?

Would it mean that you are a better, less broken person, and whatever is wrong is now fixed?

Would life just be better?

When we think things will be better on the other side, we are robbing ourselves of the joy of now.

Because the truth?

Accepting and loving yourself exactly the way you are right now is the key to “better.”

And then you may want to change. Or you might now. But it will be because you want to, not because you think it will make things better.

The energy behind your action makes a difference friends.

***

PS. Can I ask a favor? I am about to embark upon 30 blog posts in 30 days. Would you comment or email me what questions or topics you would like addressed regarding loving your sex life more? I would be ever grateful.

PPS. I go deeper into this topic in my weekly newsletter this week. If you are interested in learning more, click here.

I decided my purpose and you can too.

Who am I?

I told you the nuts and bolts of my life story here. But that isn’t the entire story, and moreover, it’s hardly relevant to this work I am embarking upon.

My life has been filled with fear, and the way I have dealt with that historically is to try to control everything possible.

As a child, teenager and young adult, when home life felt out of control, at least I could succeed at school.

When I became a mom and decided to be the full-time at home parent and household manager, motherhood felt hard so I made sure everything was always on schedule and the house was clean.

Even sending my oldest to school felt like giving too much control away, so I brought her home and we homeschooled. Now I was in control of educating my kids and seeing them progress and learn in the many subjects helped me feel good about myself.

Do you see a theme?

I have always given my power away to outside sources in an attempt to feel good about myself: good grades, a clean house, my children’s education.

When we went from homeschooling to living in Germany for a year where homeschooling was illegal, I had to really face myself. I no longer had my kids to prop my self-esteem up.

It really made me think about my life and my purpose.

“This is what it’s going to be like in 10 short years! The past 10 years have gone by so quickly; it’s going to happen sooner than I am ready!”

So who am I? What do I want to do with my life?

I felt alone and lost.

So in my podcast app I searched “Mormon podcasts,” and “mental health podcasts” and many other variations of those words. And I stumbled upon Jody Moore.

I pretty much always had my earbuds in my ears.

I inhaled Jody’s podcast.

I learned that whether or not my kids did their chores had nothing to do with me. I learned what true self-esteem was. I learned that I could actually choose how I wanted to feel at all times. I learned I didn’t need to control everything, because I could feel good no matter what, through much practice and self-awareness.

Then I started listening to Brooke Castillo’s podcast.

And I decided what my purpose was. Through self-exploration, reflection, prayer and spiritual confirmation, I learned of myself that I wanted to help others gain their confidence too.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

I was already on this journey of self-discovery because for the previous two years I had been listening to the Sexy Marriage Radio podcast and had been slowly creating confidence for myself in the bedroom, one of the areas I didn’t feel like I had much control.

Fast-forward to attending the Life Coach School and needing to choose a niche. I knew I wanted to do something in the realm of relationships. So I chose the area where I felt like it all started for me: my sexuality.

Here’s the thing, though. Difficulty in your sex life is just one leaf on a tree. It could be parenting. Or money. Or any number of human problems. They are all attached to the branches, the trunk, and lead to the root of the tree. The root is how our brain operates. How you do one thing is how you do everything.

Sex is just the leaf I am choosing to focus on. Ultimately, I help wives gain confidence in all areas of their lives.

We could all use that.

***

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