In this episode, I talk about my relationship with my Dad and what I learned about who I want to be in the world from him.
This is the picture I referred to in this episode.
Enjoy!
Denita

In this episode, I talk about my relationship with my Dad and what I learned about who I want to be in the world from him.
This is the picture I referred to in this episode.
Enjoy!
Denita
My whole life I have been driven by wondering who the Lord wants me to be and to become her.
Can you relate?
How do I know? If an angel were to come declare it to me, could I– would I– do whatever it takes to be her?
Am I falling short, or am I on the right track?
In the Bible Dictionary under “Faith” it says, one effect “of true faith in Jesus Christ [is] an actual knowledge that the course of life one is pursuing is acceptable to the Lord.
The first time I read this, it was like getting the breath knocked out of my body! How did someone write these exact words that describes what I yearn for so much?
Here’s what I have come to know in my almost 40 years on this earth:
So now I just decide that I believe I am the woman the Lord intended me to be. Already. Done.
Now what?
{Let me just be clear: I am not saying that there aren’t things God wants us to DO. He certainly had a work for Joseph Smith, and I am sure he has a work for each of us.}
Now we get to do our work FROM the confidence that we are the person God wants us to be. Our action isn’t geared toward figuring that out– FOR being the person God wants us to become. We are that much closer to accomplishing our work in the world…. which will help us become our future eternal selves even more!
So go do it, Sister! Don’t spin in questions and doubt about your identity. Just assume your identity is set and go from there. Obstacles will define you even more and help you learn and grow yourself.
I can’t wait to see what you do! Come back and let me know.
Love,
Denita
Friends! I’ve made it! This is the 30th post in 30 days!
Thank you all for following along and reading.
Don’t worry, I will keep writing, but maybe not quite so often. I would like to give myself weekends off at least.
Have you been reading regularly, but not making yourself known?
I invite you to reach out. Be vulnerable.
The thing I learned from my vulnerable post yesterday is: you get results when you are willing to be vulnerable.
I hope you can see how this applies to sex and intimacy.
Your sexual relationship requires vulnerability from you.
When you open yourself up, you allow people to see the real you.
Intimacy = Into me see
Then they move closer.
That’s when you are able to surrender yourself to connection and pleasure.
It’s human nature to want to be connected.
We are social beings.
Even the least social among us.
There is a divinity within us that yearns for belonging, worth and love.
You belong.
You are valuable beyond measure.
You are lovable and loved.
Because if nobody else has said it today, I love you.
I cracked myself open yesterday and the 28 days before that, which allowed me to love myself more fully and that helps me love you more fully.
This post is so late (10:30 pm where I am) because I loved myself today.
I went slow.
I did what felt loving to me all day.
I scheduled a 9 pm massage.
It was lovely.
And you know what?
I totally deserved it.
I was worth it.
And so are you.
You are worth a close, loving marriage.
You are worth sexual pleasure.
It doesn’t make you dirty or bad or impure.
Loving your sex life– really doing the work to be vulnerable and getting closer to your spouse– will strengthen the mindset muscles you need to love yourself, love your life, and love other people.
It will change everything for you.
It doesn’t matter if you hire a coach because you want to lose weight, have anxiety or want a better sex life.
It all comes down to loving yourself and seeing that you have value.
And love feels so good.
When you love yourself, you are the one that gets to feel love.
And when you feel loved, you radiate it to the world.
It ripples out, creating goodness everywhere.
It becomes a true, genuine joy that connects you to everyone in the world.
I know this sounds a little woo-woo.
But it’s everything.
Love yourself.
If you could do what it takes to love yourself on your own, you would have done it already.
I invite you to schedule a chat with me.
Maybe we will click and maybe we won’t.
But you will never find out if you don’t try.
Take 1 hour to do something for yourself. I promise it will be worth it.
I will show you where your blind spots or stumbling blocks are.
I will explain how to address them.
Be vulnerable with me.
Whatever excuse your brain in giving you right now to not click that link to schedule a call, that is the reason why you really need to do it.
If you think you are too busy or don’t have enough time, I will help you make time in your life and create a life that is peaceful and purposeful.
If you think you are too shy or it would be embarrassing, feeling shy and embarrassed it the currency to getting what you want in life.
If you think I am going to pressure you to buy something, you are wrong. My job is just to be the champion for your dream. I truly just want to serve.
If you think your spouse wouldn’t approve, then you are giving all your power to him and I that is why you feel powerless, helpless, and unloved.
I use Christian principles, powerful life coaching tools, and love to help you live the life you want.
If you are reading this, I know I can help you. I believe 100% in the tools I use. And I believe in your capacity to change.
There is truly nothing to fear but fear itself.
Email me at denitabremercoaching at gmail dot com
or schedule using my online calendar: calendly.com/denitabremercoaching/consult
I’ll be waiting for your message.
XOXO
Your Life Coach, Denita
Self-doubt and fear of failure are par for the course for any entrepreneur (or any person for that matter!), but these two emotions came up for me big-time today. I called my coach (JillFreestone.com) for an emergency session. She only had 20 minutes, but it was enough to get me some large realizations.
My biggest takeaway was that I have a hard time feeling vulnerable. Also, I am not really letting myself feel my feelings all the way.
Soooo… after I got off the call with her, I sat and just wrote and wrote. SIX pages. And I am not done.
In the interest of letting myself be vulnerable and feeling fear and doing it anyway, here is what I found. This is my stream of consciousness with notes in parentheses:
***
Ok, that’s where I ended my thought download/self-coaching. I want to keep going and ask myself “Who do I want to be?” That came up in my coaching with Jill. My knee-jerk reaction is “I don’t know.” So she challenged me to decide and try it out and then make adjustments.
I thought all sorts of things as I typed all this up. Things like, This is too vulnerable. People will think I am crazy. People will feel sorry for me. People will be concerned for me. People won’t like me. They will see how broken I am. This is unprofessional. My legs are bouncing like crazy, which is one thing that happens when I am really nervous.
And I just wanted to tell you that 3 things really made an impact after this exercise. 1. Recognizing I am not enough. I have been fighting this so hard for my whole life. Realizing that I don’t have to fight it and I can still live my life was powerful. I don’t have to prove my enoughness, because it’s false. I can just let it be and let the Atonement of Jesus Christ take over for me.
2. When I wrote down I belong to myself I think I actually heard my brain click. It was like I’ve been trying to belong to everybody else for so long, not realizing the only one I really need to belong to is me. I think I remember reading something from Brené Brown about Maya Angelou in this vein. I’ll have to go back and find it.
3. When I wrote down I am so much I was like, “Wow.” It’s true. Each of us is so complex. It felt good. As if I’ve been trying to prove “enough” but really I should have been looking for “so much.”
I think that’s it for now. I am suuuuuper tempted to not post this and to just keep it a draft, but I think it would defeat the purpose.
I am ready to feel all the emotions.
A few extra tips:
Rejection is a powerful emotion.
When we feel rejection, it usually means we aren’t likable, or we aren’t good enough.
This comes from primitive times when we were hunter-gatherers traveling in a pack. Being kicked out of the pack meant certain death.
But it rarely means death in our modern culture today.
Our brains are so scared of rejection that they would rather feel fear or guilt, or almost any other negative emotion.
Rejection shows up in the bedroom frequently.
The spontaneous-desire partner may get turned down, and then they feel rejected.
When we feel rejected, we want to do anything to get away from that negative emotion, so we stop initiating sex or withdraw. We may get whiny or nag (not attractive).
Just notice that the rejection is just a thought in your mind.
Maybe your partner turned you down because they didn’t feel sexy.
Maybe your partner turned you down because they were really tired.
Maybe your partner turned you down because they were in a bad mood.
Notice, none of these reasons is about YOU.
But when they say no, you make it mean that they don’t like or love you the way you are. That you aren’t good enough.
What if it really only means they were tired or angry or feeling frumpy?
Sometimes we reject ourselves ahead of time so we don’t have to feel failure.
When we think others are judging us, we feel rejected, and then act in a way that is not in line with who we are, but instead who we think other people want us to be. In a sense, when we act in a way that is for others and against our true authenticity, we are rejecting ourselves. Because the alternative is to be true to ourselves and then someone not liking it and feeling rejected.
So if you are going to be rejected either way, why not do it in the way that feels authentic to you?
The antidote to rejection is self-love.
If you accept and love yourself no matter what, then what other people say and do doesn’t mean anything about you.
AND. You get to feel love, because when you love you are the one that feels the love.
So whether you are initiating sex, or dating, or are just out in the world being you, love yourself. Accept yourself as whole and worthy just the way you are.
Who knows? Maybe you loving yourself will be the inspiration or permission someone else needs to do the same.
***
Does this post resonate with you? If so, you may want to check out my 20 Questions to Ask to Improve Your Sex Mindset.
Are there sexual desire differences in your marriage?
Chances are you just said “Yes.”
Because it’s virtually impossible to be perfectly matched.
So what can you do about it?
Most people want to change their desire.
Society tells us that the lower desire partner should increase their desire.
(Because clearly, that’s the “better” way to do sexual desire.)
Why would you want to change your desire?
Really think about that.
Would it make things easier?
Would it mean that you are a better, less broken person, and whatever is wrong is now fixed?
Would life just be better?
When we think things will be better on the other side, we are robbing ourselves of the joy of now.
Because the truth?
Accepting and loving yourself exactly the way you are right now is the key to “better.”
And then you may want to change. Or you might now. But it will be because you want to, not because you think it will make things better.
The energy behind your action makes a difference friends.
***
PS. Can I ask a favor? I am about to embark upon 30 blog posts in 30 days. Would you comment or email me what questions or topics you would like addressed regarding loving your sex life more? I would be ever grateful.
PPS. I go deeper into this topic in my weekly newsletter this week. If you are interested in learning more, click here.
Yesterday I tried something new. I offered a free online class about unconditional love, lovability and what keeps us from them. I was so excited when FIVE amazing women showed up to listen to what I had to say and let me coach them! I love increasing the love in the world!
Since it was a success, I thought I would summarize a few key points I taught. It IS Valentines Day after all!
If this helped you at all and you want more detail, I recorded my class from yesterday and I would LOVE to share it with you. Email me at denitabremercoaching at gmail dot com, or follow me on instagram (@denitabremercoaching) and DM me there so I can send it to you.
Happy Valentine’s Day!