We are trying to do TOO MUCH. Knowing yourself on a deeper level can set you up for success in this life and in the the life to come. Know what is the best FOR YOU and let the rest go. In this episode, I give you a slew of questions to start getting to know yourself. I hope you find it helpful in staking life’s circumstances in your favor.

October 2021 General Conference, Sister Bonnie Cordon

As I sat on the couch with my husband, our prophet pulled his chair over, almost knee to knee with us, and looked at me with his piercing blue eyes. He asked a question that still echoes in my heart, “Bonnie, what’s the most important thing the [youth] need to know?”

I pondered for a moment and said, “They need to know who they are.”

“YES!” he exclaimed, “and they need to know their purpose.”

The prophet of God says the MOST IMPORTANT THING to know (for youth or adults) is who they are and their purpose.

Knowing who you are and knowing your purpose are inextricably connected.

What Works For YOU?

Ladies, Sisters— we are trying to do TOO MUCH. Knowing what is good, better and best and prioritizing what is best FOR YOU is the only way to get through this life joyfully.

Cater to your strengths and don’t try to do everything, just because the world says that is what will make you successful. Learn to discern YOUR PERSONAL WORK in the world, and let the rest go.

When you know who you are, you can set yourself up for success, in this life and in the life to come. Know yourself so you know what will work for you.

Now, this doesn’t mean you’ll never have any difficulty, it just means making choices can be slightly easier, and being overwhelmed will be slightly less likely.

Some Things Aren’t Meant For You

As a major night owl, I once scheduled an 8:30 am spanish class. I was in a hurry and it was the only option left.

I thought having class would be enough of a motivator to get me out the door early. I was wrong. I had to take that class over again, this time scheduling it for a time that I knew I could consistently attend and be coherent enough to participate.

Had I made that choice with appropriate knowledge of myself, I would have saved myself some difficulty, and a lot of guilt! It didn’t make the class easier, but it made me more receptive to what I was learning.

Many of us have lived our lives so conditioned by family, school, and cultural conditioning that we don’t even know who we are. It has been a long process to get to know myself, but it has made my life so much easier and more enjoyable.

This is what I want for you! I want you to know yourself well enough that you can make choices that will set you up for success reliably. Occasionally you may endure a learning experience, but it will serve you to better know yourself.

My Experiment

I’m a person who can eat basically the same things every day. I rarely try new things unless a trusted source recommends it. When I eat at a restaurant, I have learned to order what I know I will reliably enjoy or else I am sure to both regret my decision and not enjoy my food!

I can’t tell you how many times I tried something new only to realize there was one or two ingredients that ruined the meal for me.

Instead of ordering from the knowledge of who I am and what I like, I try to convince myself that it’s more exciting to try new things, to expand my experience. And it rarely works for me! So now, I just stick with what I KNOW I like, and I experiment by taking bites of my husband’s food.

Questions To Consider

I have a long series of questions for you, just to get the juices rolling. You may be a person who know yourself really well already. In that case, use this as a sort of self-quiz, and to reinforce what you already know. If you don’t know something, be honest! It’s a great place to explore for yourself what the answer is.

And if you don’t know yourself well, use these questions as a starting point. You certainly don’t have to nail down a definitive answer to each question right away, but start to explore. Make it as fun as you have capacity for. Come back to this episode as often as you want.

Know yourself!

Introvert or extrovert?

  • Do you gain energy by being around other people?
  • Or do social situations drain you?
  • Maybe you are somewhere in the middle?

Circadian rhythm

  • Are you a morning person, a night owl, or something in between?

Do you prefer hot or cold?

  • Beaches, mountains, desert, forest, or tundra? Where would you most like to visit?

Novelty/predictability

  • We all need some novelty and some predictability, but we might consider it a continuum. Where would you lie on a scale of 1-10?

Adventure vs Stability

  • Do you like to travel?
  • Do you prefer to travel widely or deeply? Would you rather experience many places, or choose one place and get to know it deeply?

Do you prefer spontaneity or to plan things out in advance?

How do you respond to expectations?

  • There are both inner expectations like personal goals and outer expectations, like work deadlines. Does one type rise further on your proverbial to-do list?
  • Or maybe you question everything an only take action on things that make sense to you.
  • Or you might be a rare breed who resists all expectations, even those you set for yourself!

How much tolerance do you have for disorder?

  • Do you prefer things neat and tidy or a bit disheveled?

What are your personal values?

What are your strengths?

  • Notice that often your weaknesses are your strengths overused.

Do you hold high ideals or standards?

  • And do you expect others to as well?

What is your favorite type of creativity?

  • We are all creative in some way! And creative doesn’t necessarily mean artistic.
  • Art, music, dance, theater, writing or storytelling, speaking, problem solving, design, gardening, business, cooking, parenting, thinking…

What is your top love language?

  • Gifts
  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch
  • Act of service
  • What else?

Do you have a strong need for facts and data?

  • Or do you make decisions from your intuition, emotion, or gut?

Types of work

  • What types of work do you hate and enjoy?

What motivates you?

  • Money?
  • Freedom?
  • Helping others?
  • God?
  • Something else?

Do you do well under pressure or do you tend to slip up?

What is your attachment style?

  • Anxious
  • Avoidant
  • Secure
  • Ambivalent
  • Disorganized

Favorite emotion to feel?

What makes you feel alive?

What makes you feel safe?

  • What grounds you? And brings you to the present moment?

How do you think?

  • Words?
  • Pictures?
  • Concepts?
  • Outline?
  • Bubbles?
  • Sounds?
  • Do you need silence to concentrate?
  • Or does a bit of sound bring the focus to your mind?

What animal would you be?

  • What does that represent to you?

Really think about these questions as if you had never considered them before. Don’t assume you know the answers. I have assumed things about myself only to later find out what is really true for me is much different.

For example, I always thought of my self as an organized, planner person. But one day I realized that being organized and planning are two very different things. I am organized, but I don’t like to plan!

A Personal Example

I always saw myself as less decisive than my husband. He always seemed smarter and stronger and more sure of himself. And those are all true of my husband. But in my comparison to him, I overlooked who I was.

Recently, I realized that I am the initiator in our relationship. I was the first one to kiss him. I asked him to move in with me. I broached the subject of marriage first. I knew it was time to have babies before he did.

When we bought our current home, we were going to put an offer on another home, and at the last second, I said we should switch to this house. After traveling throughout Europe for a year, we thought it would be fun to own an airbnb. When it was time, I was the one to push looking for houses. I am seeing myself in a totally new light now.

If you feel blessed, but not good, it might be because you don’t know yourself well enough!

I would love to continue the conversation with you! Please email podcast@denitabremer.com or come find me on Instagram or Facebook at Denita Bremer.

Last thing, before I send you off: This is a new podcast and I think it has the potential to do a lot of good in the world. If you would like to be a part of my mission of helping people feel better with a Christian perspective, please leave the podcast a review. And bonus, you might even win a fun prize if you do! Listen to future episodes throughout March and April 2024 to see if you’ve won!!

Speaking of winning! It’s time to pick another winner! Drumroll please….. the 2nd winner of the If I’m So Blessed Why Can’t I Feel Good Podcast Contest is… Amanda Star Kingsley!!! Email me at podcast@denitabremer.com to claim your prize!

This contest is hosted by me, Denita Bremer, and is not affiliated with Apple, Apple Podcasts, Instagram, Facebook, Meta, or any other company. Odds of winning depend on number of entrants, but are about 1 in 35.

That’s enough for now, and so are you!

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Cello music is written, recorded and produced by Jacqueline Walker.

This podcast is recorded by me, Denita Bremer, and produced by Denita Bremer Studios.