Episode 57: The How to Unconditional Love

How do you love someone who doesn’t act the way you want them to? 

The short answer is: it’s hard but you can do it. It requires patience and courage and mental fortitude.

Learning unconditional love is one of my primary lessons in life. In this episode, I’m sharing what I’ve learned through many experiences of people not showing up the way I want and choosing to love them anyway.

I talk about what gets in our way of loving unconditionally (hint: it’s our incapacity to move towards negative emotion), and mention several examples from my life.

I believe if we can get this one skill down, the rest of life will be much easier. Listen in.

Denita

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Episode 53: Personality Blueprint Part 4- The Enneagram

Today we dive into an overview of the enneagram and how it can help you understand yourself.

This particular framework is one of the most complicated to explain and understand. BUT it also has some amazing payoffs when you do.

Listen in if you are new to the enneagram, or if you are familiar but want to learn a few new things (I did myself prepping for this episode!)

A few things we cover:

Overview of Enneagram

Type summaries:

Type One is principled, purposeful, self-controlled, and perfectionistic.

Type Two is generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing, and possessive.

Type Three is adaptable, excelling, driven, and image-conscious.

Type Four is expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental.

Type Five is perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated.

Type Six is engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious.

Type Seven is spontaneous, versatile, acquisitive, and scattered.

Type Eight is self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.

Type Nine is receptive, reassuring, complacent, and resigned.

The Centers- each type is focused on assets and liabilities within their center

8,9,1 Instinctive center, dominant emotion is anger

2,3,4 Feeling center, dominant emotion is shame

5,6,7 Thinking center, dominant emotion is fear

The Wing

Your basic type dominates your overall personality, while the wing complements it and adds important, sometimes contradictory, elements to your total personality. Most enneagram experts agree that you have a dominant wing, but it is possible to have no wing or to have both wings show up equally in your personality.

The Levels of Development

Healthy, Average, Unhealthy- three levels in each section

a measure of our capacity to be present.

Directions of Integration (Growth) and Disintegration (Stress)

The inner lines of the Enneagram connect the types in a sequence that denotes what each type will do under different conditions. There are two lines connected to each type, and they connect with two other types. One line connects with a type that represents how a person of the first type behaves when they are moving toward health and growth. This is called the Direction of Integration or Growth. The other line goes to another type that represents how the person is likely to act out if they are under increased stress and pressure—when they feel they are not in control of the situation. This second line is called the Direction of Stress or Disintegration. In other words, different situations will evoke different kinds of responses from your personality. You will respond or adapt in different directions, as indicated by the lines of the Enneagram from your basic type.

The Three Instincts

We each have a self-preservation instinct (for preserving the body and its life and functioning), a sexual instinct (for extending ourselves in the environment and through the generations), and a social instinct (for getting along with others and forming secure social bonds).

Self-Preservation types are concerned with having enough resources to meet life’s demands. Tend to be more grounded, practical, serious, and introverted

Sexual types have an intense drive for stimulation and a constant awareness of the “chemistry” or energy between themselves and others. Tend to be more aggressive, competitive, charged, and emotionally intense

Social types are highly aware of other people and their impact on them. They tend to be warmer, more open, engaging, and socially responsible.

Summary: Ultimately, the goal is for each of us to “move around” the Enneagram, integrating what each type symbolizes and acquiring the healthy potentials of all the types. The ideal is to become a balanced, fully functioning person who can draw on the power (or from the Latin, “virtue”) of each as needed. Each of the types of the Enneagram symbolizes different important aspects of what we need to achieve this end. The personality type we begin life with is therefore less important ultimately than how well (or badly) we use our type as the beginning point for our self-development and self-realization.

Helpful Links:
https://www.truity.com/enneagram/what-is-enneagram
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/how-the-enneagram-system-works
Free tests:
https://www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test
https://www.crystalknows.com/enneagram-test
Podcasts: (I especially recommend the first one with Ian Cron.)
https://enneagramgift.com/enneagram-podcasts/

Schedule a free session to partner with me to understand yourself better.
Denita

Episode 49: How I’m Doing it Wrong

In this episode, you’ll get a little bit of a taste of how I am in my coaching business. I discuss 12 (or maybe 11? I lost count!) ways I’m doing it wrong, or at least different from other coaches I know.

How are you doing your work in the world “wrong” according to outside standards? Can you give yourself permission to do it wrong or do you shame and guilt yourself as you are doing it?

Tell me below one way you do your work in the world wrong!

Denita

And if you want to schedule a free session with me, sign up HERE. I would love to help you.

Episode 48: What’s Essential: Identity & Purpose of Mothers

 

I’ve been thinking about what is really essential. Like, if I just chose ONE thing and put all my effort and attention there, what would be the ONE thing?
Identity and purpose for moms. 

I know that sounds like two things, but I explain how it’s really one thing in the episode.

And what are the obstacles that prevent us from knowing our identity and purpose? Or if we know it, from living it?

Fear, doubt and confusion. 

These are both spiritual obstacles and emotional obstacles. 

I have some theories as to the antidotes, which I also discuss in the episode.

But basically- I’ll reiterate what is in the intro: when you know who you are, you can be the best you at what you do.

Mentioned in this episode:
Greg McKeown
Henry B. Eyring
Bonnie Cordon
Julie B. Beck

Website
Free Session
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Episode 47: Don’t Say “Life is hard.”

“Life is hard.” is one of those fillers that we just say all the time, but what does it really mean?

It’s one of my personal pet peeves when people say it.

In this week’s episode I tell you exactly why I don’t like it and why you should stop saying it.
1. It’s not the whole truth.
2. It’s not true for everyone at all times.
3. It’s not helpful.

I include not one, but TWO journaling exercises to get you thinking.

I hope you find these exercises provoking and helpful. And I hope they make your life easier!

Denita

PS. Want life to feel a little easier? Get more tips and tricks delivered to your inbox. Sign up HERE. And if you’re ready to try coaching, sign up for a free session.

Episode 46: Holiday Trauma

The holidays have been triggering to me for a long time, I just didn’t realize it. The holiday season comes right along with winter’s cold where I am, and I just tend to…. withdraw.

It wasn’t until I had life coaching and mindset tools that I realized it was a deep sadness that the holidays conjured up for me subconsciously. That awareness helped for a while, but it is actually a nervous system response that is happening, and I couldn’t “solve” that with just mindset.

This year, because I am working with a trauma coach, I have a new awareness and new tools to use.

Although this is raw and somewhat unprocessed, I am sharing some insights about my patterns this year. I talk about a coaching session, a specific memory, and the anger and disgust that I am working through. This feels very vulnerable to share.

I hope it helps you.
Denita

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Episode 43: Turning Pain to Joy

I’ve had some hard things happen in my life (as you know if you’ve listened to the podcast at all!), and I realized recently that my magic is turning it into joy– or at least something more positive. 

I get a little spiritual in this episode (my fave!) and quote some scripture and general conference talks: Helaman 5:12, Favored of the Lord in All My Days by Elder Villanueva, and Is There No Balm in Gilead by Elder Nielson.

I also mention a conversation with my coach (danielle-cohen.com) that helped me see my work in the world a little more clearly. I hope it will help you connect some dots for yourself too.

In this episode, I encourage you to look for the miracle, the strength, the grace, the favors the Lord has done for you. I tell a story related to Helaman 5:12 about winds and hail storms and firm foundations.

I also mention some fun new things coming to the podcast soon!

Enjoy!
Denita
PS. If you are interested in working with me as a life coach, schedule a free consultation HERE.

Episode 37: Mr. Thornton, an influential teacher

In this week’s episode, I’m reflecting on someone who was influential in my life– Mr. Thornton. He was a middle and high school teacher of mine, and we just clicked. I tell several school stories in this episode, but especially how he made me feel that made him so meaningful to me.

I also invite you in to my new program at the end of the episode, if you are interested. I’m pretty excited about birthing this new “baby” into the world!

If you want to connect with me more, use one of these links:
Join my email list: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/612432bc9c07724f9bf1710c

IG: https://www.instagram.com/denitabremercoaching/

or I give my email address in the episode.

Enjoy!
Denita

Episode 27: The Laundromat

For 5 years we had no running water or electricity in our home. We had to haul water, and haul our laundry to and from the laundromat in the small town I grew up in. And over time, it became a surprisingly special place to me. 

In this episode, I talk about why it was special. And I talk about a few specific memories I have in relationship to the laundromat. 

I even mention a realization about laundry and the laundromat that help me today!

Do you have any special places in your life, similar to mine in this episode?

Thank you for rating, reviewing and sharing the podcast! If you wouldn’t mind doing me one more favor, I would appreciate it if you would fill out my survey: https://forms.gle/4S2uF9xRY6cgFp4c9

Episode 26: My Biggest Shame Right Now

Family relationships can be hard, amiright?

My biggest shame right now is my relationship (or lack thereof) with my sisters. In this episode I go long and deep as to why.

I hope you learn from listening to this story!
Denita

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