78 Life Lessons on my 40th Birthday

I was shooting for 40 life lessons on my 40th birthday, but I kept going and ended up with 78. Which of these do you like the best? Are there any you disagree with?

  1. Be kind to everyone no matter what. (Thanks Mom!)
  2. Don’t borrow money. And if you have to borrow money, pay it back ASAP. (Thanks Dad!)
  3. People will judge you wrongly. Keep being you anyway. 
  4. People are highly imperfect. Even if it doesn’t seem like it at first. 
  5. Whatever happened with your parents when you were a kid wasn’t your fault. 
  6. Money, or lack of it, can cause a lot of heartache if you let it. 
  7. Be honest. It’s always the best way. 
  8. Sometimes your mistakes can save you. 
  9. People you love can and will hurt you. You don’t have to add to the pain by refusing to forgive them. 
  10. Good people do bad things. Everyone is human. 
  11. The hard things in life make us who we are. 
  12. You can do hard things. 
  13. God is listening. And it’s more evident when you watch for Him in your life. 
  14. If you follow your feelings you can’t go wrong. 
  15. Nature is a gift. Use it wisely. 
  16. You never forget the most pivotal moments in your life. 
  17. There is a strong connection between our bodies and our minds. Don’t ignore the cues. 
  18. People can love you when they don’t even really know you. 
  19. You know so very little. Accepting that fact will serve you. 
  20. There is always something to do. Don’t let it be a reason to not rest or enjoy yourself. 
  21. You literally can’t make everyone happy. Stop trying. Focus on making yourself happy. I.e. you can be the juiciest peach in the orchard, but there will always be someone who doesn’t like peaches. 
  22. The little moments are the big moments. Try not to miss them. 
  23. When you trust yourself, there isn’t anything you can’t figure out.
  24. Your net worth has nothing to do with your self worth. Unless you let it. 
  25. Never be afraid to be yourself. This whole life is meant to help you figure out who you are. 
  26. Guilt and shame are only useful if they lead you to change. If they are making you stuck, let them go. 
  27. Children are our best teachers. 
  28. Love is always the answer. In every situation. 
  29. You don’t get married to complete yourself. You get married so you always have someone to love. 
  30. You can just decide to be happy. 
  31. You can’t make anyone else feel something. And they can’t make you feel anything. 
  32. Sometimes you have to go down the wrong path first to know what the right path is. 
  33. Friends can be the family you never knew you needed. 
  34. Stay calm when you are swimming. Panic will increase the odds of drowning. 
  35. Travel seems glamorous. What’s really glamorous is the destination. 
  36. Every problem is a belief problem. 
  37. You rarely get what you want unless you ask for it. 
  38. If there is a rule, there’s probably a reason for it. But also, sometimes rules need to be broken. That’s the exception to the rule though. 
  39. Distraction is the adversary’s most effective tool. 
  40. Always ask how spicy the sauce is. 
  41. Everyone is boring, until you get to know them. 
  42. People are more the same than they are different.
  43. For many people, outer order contributes to inner calm. 
  44. If you don’t know what to do, start with the dishes or laundry.
  45. There is always a choice. Always.
  46. Mastering your urges is the way to the life you want. 
  47. Always bring your wallet.
  48. When you are upset and don’t know why, try 1. Drinking water, 2. Eating 3. Moving your body and 4. Sleep.
  49. When working with electrical, always turn the breaker off.
  50. Doing It Yourself is worth it in most cases. Except HVAC and drywall. Hire those out. 
  51. Wear your retainer. Even if it bugs you. 
  52. Always wear your seatbelt. 
  53. Water is the best beverage. 
  54. Find a meditation practice that works for you and practice it regularly. 
  55. Always give the compliment when you think it. 
  56. Feelings matter. More than you think. 
  57. Sugar has the same effect as cocaine to your brain. Consume it carefully.
  58. Observe a sabbath for both your physical and mental well-being. Especially take a sabbath from things that you find yourself addicted to. 
  59. If you are thinking it or struggling with it, so are lots of other people. 
  60. Every human has the same value. Nobody is more or less than anybody else. Knowing this brings true confidence.
  61. Getting started is often the hardest part. 
  62. How you start your day makes a big difference. 
  63. Let the music move you. 
  64. Someday you’ll understand why you need this moment. 
  65. Instead of asking “Why me?” ask “Why not me?”
  66. It is a rare situation that has a right and wrong way. Just do what feels right to you.
  67. Time is on your side, not against you.
  68. You are 100% worthy and valuable just the way you are.
  69. “Beautiful” is an opinion.
  70. Your thoughts are your most powerful asset. 
  71. It is easier to keep a clean room than to let it go and clean it later. The same is true for your brain. 
  72. If you can’t enjoy the current moment, you’ll never enjoy a future moment.
  73. What you think other people think of you, is really what you think of you. 
  74. You can’t change something if you are judging it. That includes yourself. 
  75. What you really want is always a feeling. 
  76. Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone. 
  77. The prize is worth the price.
  78. No matter what it is, you are worth it!

What you are overlooking when it comes to getting more done

Trust and commitment are the missing links between YOU and GETTING MORE STUFF DONE.

In order to get anything done, you need one of two things: 1. commitment or 2. trust.

Most of us work off of unconscious commitments:

You brush your teeth every morning and night, because you are unconsciously committed to avoiding cavities.

You eat regularly because you are unconsciously committed to solving your hunger.

You stop what you are doing to help your kid because you are unconsciously (or consciously) committed to being a good mom.

You clean your house, at least to a minimum baseline, because you are unconsciously committed to avoiding the guilt or pressure that comes with having a messy house.

So you already do a lot. This is only a short possible list.

But you still have more stuff to do.

Stuff that seems to always get pushed to the bottom of the to-do list.

Stuff that you think you don’t really want to do.

Stuff that doesn’t NEED to be done, so it can be procrastinated.

Stuff that only matters to you– nobody else is going to do it or maybe even care if it’s done.

Stuff that requires decision making.

If you want to get THAT stuff done, you have to be able to trust yourself.

Either you have to bring these tasks into your conscious awareness and have commitment to doing them– which means anything that might come up to distract you from them becomes less important.

OR

You make a plan for getting them done, and then you trust yourself to do it.

Reminder, trust means that you believe you will do what you say you will do.

When we don’t trust ourselves, we almost never follow through on getting the “extra” stuff done.

But in order to get that stuff done, we have to trust ourselves.

So it’s a catch-22!

Conscious commitment is how we get ourselves out of that loop.

And here’s the irony:

Building trust in ourselves leads to doing things over and over again, and then they become unconscious commitments.

So whether you want to get a big project done that you have been procrastinating, or you want to build healthier habits, trust and commitment are the keys.

If you want help with trusting yourself, getting more stuff done, or creating healthier habits I would love to invite you to join me on a free call where I can help you see where you are going wrong and some next steps to implement. Go to calendly.com/denitabremercoaching/convo to choose a time that works for you! I look forward to seeing you soon.

What fulfilling your purpose really is

When we say, “I want to fulfill my purpose,” we often mean, I want to figure out what my purpose really is, and then act on it.

This implies that you don’t know what it is already, or that you don’t yet have a purpose.

Let me just make this really simple for you: Your purpose is to return to live with God someday. That’s it. That’s all. Are you doing what is necessary?

Awesome. Now what?

If you look up “purpose” in the topical guide, the first thing is says is “See also, Desire.” It also lists “Will” as an alternative to look into.

This makes me think that our purpose is just our desire, aka, our will.

Huh.

Then if you check out all the scripture references below Purpose in the topical guide, desire can be replaced for each one, and it is enlightening:

Every desire is established by council.
A time to every desire under the heaven
This is the will that is desired upon the whole earth.

I could keep going, but you can check it out for yourself here.

I have heard it said by my coaching mentors, there are only two reasons why people hire a life coach:

  1. Because they know what they want (their purpose), but they need help doing it, or
  2. Because they don’t know what they want. (their purpose)

I love that I get to help people discover and live out their purposes, their true desires.

And I love that it always starts with my faith.

If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to meet with me for free. Let me help you figure out your purpose or how to live it. You’ll leave this free 60 minute session with a deeper understanding of yourself and some next steps. Sign up here.

In the meantime, go think about what you really want.