To all the LDS ladies: You are enough. Really, you are.

You. Are. Enough.

No. Hear me: You are enough! Right now, exactly the way you are.

You are enough for the job, for the calling, for the kids, for the husband, or for whatever else is going on in your life.

You have done everything “right.” And you still feel a lack in your life.

It’s because what you DO doesn’t determine how you feel.

You kept the standards of the Church. You served the mission. You never say no to a calling. You got married in the temple. You had the kids.

And now you don’t know what you want or who you are.

It’s because you were doing all those things for the wrong reasons, and now you are tired of chasing your happiness.

You thought that if you did what everyone told you, you would feel better. You would feel good.

Wrong.

I know– the way our Church leaders talk make it seem like that’s what will happen. They say that if you are obedient, blessings will come. If you have the Spirit, everything will work out.

They aren’t wrong, and you aren’t wrong.

It’s just that you took their words and made it mean that you should DO certain things. And certainly there are certain actions that qualify or disqualify us.

But it matters with what energy you check all the boxes.

Stop focusing on the actions! Stop trying to go to the temple every week or show up to every single activity even when you don’t really want to. Stop going through the motions of your calling and wondering if it’s really worth it. Stop putting on the make-up because someone might see you. Stop dwelling on what you said or did that you shouldn’t have.

Stop it all.

And start believing.

Believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Savior of the world. Believe that the doctrines of the Church are true. Believe that you are blessed and that more blessings are coming. Believe that the one blessing you reeeeeeally want is on it’s way. Believe that you are exactly where you need to be on the path that will eventually bring joy and fulfillment. Believe that you can feel joy and excitement and fun NOW. Believe that your desires are not bad and don’t make you bad. Believe that you are enough exactly the way you are.

When you truly, madly, deeply believe these things (and more), you will start to FEEL them in your body. That’s how you will know you believe them. And then what to DO will become clear.

When your mind is in the right place, your actions will be too. You will keep the standards of the Church for the right reasons or not at all. You will do the calling or go to the temple or read your scriptures because you love the Lord, not because you are trying to “get blessings.”

The Lord wants you because He loves you. But he isn’t going to force or chase. You have to come to Him for the right reasons. If you feel like he is ignoring you, maybe he is just waiting for you to truly love him first. Maybe the blessings you have already received match devotion you have already given.

God is asking us to raise the bar, to lengthen our stride, to be more committed. By necessity, that means that some people will be left behind. We are in a refining time in our Church. We are at a turning point. And it feels uncomfortable. It’s supposed to.

The question is: what do you really want to believe? Not because it will bring blessings, but because it feels right to you?

I hope you want to believe you are enough. Jesus Christ made you so with his sacrifice.

***

If you want help with your unbelief, let’s have a conversation together. This is why I’m here. I promise I won’t try to get you to think or do anything. I am only here to help you discover who you are and what you want. But I am the perfect one for you, because I have lived with the Gospel and without it. I understand both ways. And I don’t think there is a right or a wrong way for you. I just think there is a way. Figuring it out is your work. I can be your loving, gentle, non-judgmental guide.

You are only one click away: calendly.com/denitabremercoaching

If you aren’t taking action, maybe you don’t believe it will really help

Sitting in Relief Society today, a life coach lesson was reiterated to me through the scriptures.

And again, believe that ye must repent of your sins and forsake them, and humble yourselves before God; and ask in sincerity of heart that he would forgive you; and now, if you believe all these things see that ye do them.

Mosiah 4:10

Now, usually I would read that as “believe and then go do it.”

But what if what is actually being said is “If you believe, just watch– you’ll then do it.”

There is a relationship between our beliefs and our actions.

WHEN we believe, the action naturally follows.

The belief creates a feeling (faith, conviction, commitment, etc) which then drives the action.

I actually had an experience where I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and thinking about my business. I had a thought, “People are waiting for me.” It actually created a feeling in my body that made me want to get up and go do some work right then.

So if you believe, you will do. If you aren’t doing, then you don’t really believe.

This might sound harsh, but it’s not. It’s a clear sign of what we need to work on.

What’s the scripture? “Help thou mine unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)

I think there are many levels of belief. We are striving for that deep level of KNOWING something that can’t be proven.

Let’s take reading scriptures as an example.

If you truly, honestly, deeply believe that reading scriptures daily will bring you blessings, then you will read your scriptures daily. If you aren’t reading your scriptures daily, then it’s a sign that you don’t really believe they will bring blessings/knowledge/etc.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

This can be applied to anything in our lives. It doesn’t have to be churchy stuff.

You might think you believe that date nights are important to your marriage. So then why aren’t you doing them regularly?

Because you don’t really believe they will make a difference in your marriage.

And when that’s your true belief, it’s easy to let date nights slide.

The action of not going on a date regularly shows you what you really believe.

You think you want the evidence first. As if it’s a one to one correlation. I go on a date with my husband —> everything is blissful in our relationship.

But the correlation isn’t always that direct.

You have to hold the belief first, then you will see how they are important to your marriage.

And here’s the kicker: if you don’t believe date nights are important, no amount of evidence will change your mind.

You must believe first to see the results.

So what action are you not taking? How can you use that as a sign of a belief that is lacking?

Mark 9:23 All things are possible to him that believeth.

Maybe you aren’t signing up for a free consult call because you don’t actually believe that I can help you?

What if I can? What if this is the very thing you have been looking for, and it was right here under your nose?

Just try on the thought that a life coach might be able to help you. When you believe it, then you will sign up. Not a moment before that.

What’s the rush?

From a young age, I have always been in a hurry to get to the future:

I can’t wait to graduate high school and leave this town.

Then, I can’t wait until college.

Then, I can’t wait until I am married.

Then, I can’t wait until I have kids.

Then, I can’t wait until the diapering stage is all done.

Then, I can’t wait until they can make their own food.

Then, I can’t wait until the teen years are over!

And on and on.

Now that I have decided to start my own business, it’s all about when my business is fully off the ground and how much money I am making.

This comes from the belief that when you get “there,” life will be better.

But it’s not true.

Because when you get “there” you will still have your current brain.

Your brain will still see things the same way.

There will always be something else that comes up; a new problem to deal with.

This is really clear with money. No matter how much money one makes, their expenses seem to grow to fit the income.

So what if “here” is just as good as “there?”

Would there still be a rush?

I think this is why gratitude is so powerful. It helps us see that “here” is amazing.

The whole point is to have joy all along the way, right?

If we are in a rush to get to the next thing, are we really enjoying the now?

The results we get from an emotion of urgency won’t be nearly as good as results that come from fulfillment, joy or just plain ol’ desire.

Here’s an amazing quote to end on:

Sometimes anxiety sprouts not from how much we want, but how quickly we want it, how desperately we are trying to rush through the course of our lives. Who cares if you don’t achieve that big, huge thing this year? Would it be any less incredible next year? Or the one after that? What if, instead of pressuring yourself to achieve everything, right now, you committed instead to working toward your dreams every single day, a little at a time?

Brianna Wiest

My challenge to myself and to everyone else who can relate is to stop rushing.

Commit along with me to working toward your dreams every single day, a little at a time.

Go slow and steady.

Enjoy the moment.

XOXO,
Denita

Worst Case/Best Case Scenarios with Figuring Sex Out

Someone told me this recently. 

She couldn’t even see a future where sex wasn’t a problem for her. 

She wasn’t sure she believed it was possible to change her sex life. 

Her past was riddled with so much sexual dysfunction that she is starting to believe this is just her lot in life- to be a woman with a terrible sex life.

Maybe she’s right. 

Maybe she will never have a good sex life.

Maybe she will never orgasm.

Maybe she will never feel close to her husband.

But maybe she’s wrong. 

Has anyone in the world ever gone from feeling like sex was a lost cause to, at some point later, feeling like sex is wonderful and pleasurable? Ever??

Is she a special case?

I want to offer that if it’s possible for one person it’s possible for anyone.

Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash

And here’s the thing:

Worse case scenario, your sex life stays the same. You have a good life, but it’s just this one little area that doesn’t get figured out. You’ve been doing it for this long, it’ll be fine to keep going like this.

Best case scenario, you figure it out! You and your husband experience pleasure and joy together. You become bonded in a way you never thought possible. You connect to yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. You actually look forward to sex. You realize that sex is for you as much as it is for him. 

You feel whole.

You know what the real worst-case scenario is?

Not trying to make it better.

A possibility that never gets realized. 

Regret.

So what if you try and it doesn’t work?

The time and energy going toward your goal is not wasted. 

It is useful.

It tells you who you are.

It shows you what you can do.

Getting rid of the belief that you will NEVER figure out sex is the first step to going for that possibility.

If you believe you will never figure it out, then you will feel discouraged and will give up and you will never figure it out.

Start thinking “Maybe I will figure it out.” 

Just let that marinate for a while.