Episode 42: How to Be a Good Mom

If I may be so bold, I have some concepts to share with you that I think will be helpful in you being the good mom you want to be.

Being a good mom comes from your experience of being a good mom. I discuss some things to consider in this episode as you use your experience for wisdom in your motherhood. Of course, I mention a few stories from my life too.

  1. Choose or decide what being a good mom means to you.
  2. Do your best.
  3. Repair if needed.
  4. Be present.
  5. View your motherhood in the best possible light.

Enjoy,

Denita

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Episode 41: Who Was There When You Got Hurt?

I was recently reading a book and a question was posed: Who was there when you got hurt as a child? This is an important question as I learn about attachment theory. I’m still at the very beginning of learning about attachment, so I don’t have much to share about that, but I almost burst into tears reading that question because I realized I felt emotionally alone when I got hurt or sick as a child.

I have a scar on my forehead from when I smacked my head on the corner of a coffee table when I was 2 years old.
I have a scar on my left knee from getting a liiiiiitle too reckless riding my bike one day.
I sprained my ankle in kindergarten.
I burned my thigh in or around kindergarten too.
I somehow got a splinter under my fingernail around age 13.
I sprained my elbow on my 16th birthday.

My mom was at almost every single one of these events for me. She attended to my physical needs– and was generally gentle and caring. But I still felt emotionally alone after these events.

This might just be my brain, or it might have been my mother’s limitations.

I hope I am better for my own children.

Do you feel like you were emotionally soothed?

Denita

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Episode 35: Yelling at Your Kids

In this episode I divulge some “shameful” things about my parenting… yelling at my kids. I also discuss: 

  • Why you might feel like you can’t stop yelling at your kids.
  • What you need to understand to stop yelling at your kids. 
  • Why the Model might not work to help you stop yelling at your kids.
  • Where yelling is in a vicious cycle.
  • How your parents are affecting your parenting.
  • How yelling does NOT mean you are a bad mom/parent.

How to connect with me:

Denita

Episode 34: Losing a Kid

I’ve shied away from talking about parenting too much, but I know many Latter-day Saint moms would say this is the source of most of their shame. I think I’ve been reluctant to talk about it because of keeping the privacy of my own kids, and also- because I still feel shame around some of these things. My kids are still at home with me, and I still constantly wonder if I am being a good mom, or the best mom I can be.

As I reflected on this topic, two stories of me losing my kid came to the front of my mind, and that’s usually my cue for what story to tell.

The first story takes place at our closest park, on a day when the park was really busy with baseball games. I lost my oldest daughter for about 10 minutes before I found her. Panic and worry set in. In fact, I was about to call either my husband or the police when I finally found her.

The second story was even more scary because we lost my son for an entire hour on a Sunday morning in the Grand Canyon village camp ground.

There are definitely some lessons learned from both of these stories, and I throw in a bonus story about a time when I realized I needed to be a little more explicit with a child.

If you’ve ever lost a kid, I feel for you. I still feel a bit of shame about these times myself. But we are all imperfect parents doing our best. Live and learn!

Denita

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