Episode 40: My Experience with Theft

When I was 4 years old or so, I stole a piece of candy from a convenience store counter. I put it in my pocket, and walked out behind my parents. And then I felt so guilty, I threw that football-foil-wrapped chocolate into the bushes! The heat of that guilt bothered me for YEARS. A 10 cent piece of candy can change who we are!

Looking back, I realized that I have always been a girl with high moral values, despite my parents not being that way. (They were good people, just didn’t have super high values.) This explains why I’ve felt shame so often.

Listen in to the episode to see what I mean.

Denita

PS. I believe if we all listened to each other, we could change the world. Because I believe this so deeply, I’m starting a new FREE offer: Listening Sessions. Come join me over Zoom and I will be deeply present with you, just listening. No sales, no coaching (unless you want it), no teaching. Just you talking, me listening. Sign up here.

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In the meantime, go be you, follow the spirit, and share your stories.

Episode 39: The Trap of Speaking Up

This week, I reflect on several instances when I spoke up and when I stayed quiet and the threads I learned. This episode is partially me processing what being “shy” has meant to me, based off of what I am learning about my nervous system. I focus on how I was made to feel alone and abandoned or hurt and ashamed.

This episode was sparked by an experience I had when I felt myself get really nervous and stumble over my words in front of one of my coaches and mentors. I got curious about what was happening, an I realized that my nervous system was both in “freeze” and “flight” mode. Then I had several memories come the the surface that felt similar.

I realized that the identity of being shy, that I was given by my parents as a child, was really a similar nervous system response.

As I reflected on these many memories from childhood, I saw patterns emerging. When I speak up, I feel alone, ostracized, abandoned. When I don’t speak up, I hurt others or myself. Quite the catch-22!

I know now that I can recognize this pattern, but there are other options I can choose. I hope this helps you navigate your desires to speak up or stay quiet too.

Denita

If you would like my Starter Guide for a Shame Proof Life, click HERE. If you would like to schedule a free listening session, click HERE.

Episode 38: My Board of Directors… so to speak

I had so much fun last week talking about Mr. Thornton and why he was impactful for me, that I’m at it again. This time I talk about 3 people who were impactful– two more teachers and an extended family member. I’m learning a lot from reflecting on this theme. It’s teaching me what I really want in my life and in my business. It has been so useful! I encourage you to reflect on and journal about people who were impactful to you and why. I think you might learn something about yourself!

Mr. Sandberg was my band instructor from 4th grade until 11th grade. He taught me about passion. He gave me a space to be myself and feel like I belong.

Mrs. Gadberry was my 6th grade classroom teacher. After a difficult year, and before junior high, she was a bright spot in my life. She helped me to realize that learning could be fun instead of so serious. She created a wonderful classroom culture and met me where I was.

Aunt Kathy is one of the reasons I believe I was supposed to marry my husband. She is the epitome of human unconditional love and genuine interest.

Each of these people teaches me what I want to feel in my life and what I want my clients to feel when they work with me.

Speaking of clients– would you like to be one of mine? I am enrolling now for my BRAND NEW private coaching program School of Self. This program is for anyone who wants to learn how to fully accept and love themselves by diving deep into who they are. In the process you will build strong relationships with your kids and spouse (and anyone else in your life!). If you like what you hear on the podcast, you will love coaching with me. Click HERE to schedule a free chat to see if School of Self is a good fit for you. There is absolutely no obligation AND you’ll walk away understanding your own personal blocks. Win-win!

Are you following me on Instagram? I share more of my life (is that even possible?) and interesting tidbits there.

Do you have my Guide to a Shame-proof Life yet? You can download it HERE.

Until next time, go be you and follow the Spirit!

Denita

Episode 35: Yelling at Your Kids

In this episode I divulge some “shameful” things about my parenting… yelling at my kids. I also discuss: 

  • Why you might feel like you can’t stop yelling at your kids.
  • What you need to understand to stop yelling at your kids. 
  • Why the Model might not work to help you stop yelling at your kids.
  • Where yelling is in a vicious cycle.
  • How your parents are affecting your parenting.
  • How yelling does NOT mean you are a bad mom/parent.

How to connect with me:

Denita

Episode 34: Losing a Kid

I’ve shied away from talking about parenting too much, but I know many Latter-day Saint moms would say this is the source of most of their shame. I think I’ve been reluctant to talk about it because of keeping the privacy of my own kids, and also- because I still feel shame around some of these things. My kids are still at home with me, and I still constantly wonder if I am being a good mom, or the best mom I can be.

As I reflected on this topic, two stories of me losing my kid came to the front of my mind, and that’s usually my cue for what story to tell.

The first story takes place at our closest park, on a day when the park was really busy with baseball games. I lost my oldest daughter for about 10 minutes before I found her. Panic and worry set in. In fact, I was about to call either my husband or the police when I finally found her.

The second story was even more scary because we lost my son for an entire hour on a Sunday morning in the Grand Canyon village camp ground.

There are definitely some lessons learned from both of these stories, and I throw in a bonus story about a time when I realized I needed to be a little more explicit with a child.

If you’ve ever lost a kid, I feel for you. I still feel a bit of shame about these times myself. But we are all imperfect parents doing our best. Live and learn!

Denita

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Episode 29: How to Grieve

The year 2000 was a doozie for me. After never having experienced a death of someone close to me, I had 3 in 3 months. In this episode, I discuss what that was like, why I felt shame, and what I think about it now. I talk about how to grieve, and why each of these losses were different.

I pay tribute to my best friend from middle school, Sara. She was one of the most wonderful people you would ever meet. It was a privilege to walk the path for a short distance with you, Sara.

To all those who are grieving or who have grieved and still feel guilty or shame around it, this episode is for you.

Denita

PS. If you haven’t downloaded my free Starter Guide to a Shame Proof Life, you can do that HERE.

Episode 28: Let’s Talk About Sex

If there’s one thing that sets me apart from “normal” Church culture, it’s my pre-marital sexual experience. In this episode I talk alllllll about it. If you had sex before you were married, this episode is for you!

I’m still taking responses on my survey…. and you can get a free coaching session if you’d like: https://forms.gle/UkAPt3LYYvGsQcYDA

Denita

Episode 22: Until Someone Gets Hurt

This week I heard that research shows that among all mammal young, the young play until one gets hurt. This caused me to reflect on my own experience with this, AND what happens when you aren’t allowed to play until someone gets hurt? Trust, boundaries, identity, using our voices, and shame (of course) all come up in this short episode.

Enjoy!
Denita