Are you thinking about your weaknesses the wrong way? In this episode I walk you through a better way to think about your weaknesses and how to get started.

A couple weeks ago, I asked on instagram, what makes it hard for you to feel good? One instagram follower responded with “thinking about my weaknesses.” So I wanted to address that topic here today.

The first thing I think of when considering the topic of weakness is a scripture:

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Some principles based on this verse

  1. The Lord will show you your weakness. What I take from this is that the Lord will help us understand our weakness. This implies we can change it if we approach our weakness with openness instead of shame.
  2. Weakness, singular, not plural. Our weakness is our humanity. ALL of us have something we aren’t proud of. It’s part of the human experience. So when you are reminded of your weakness, you can choose to remember you are human. When you want to insist that you have multiple weaknesses, remember they all come from the human part of you. The Lord only focuses on one thing at a time. There is only ever one thing to do.
  3. “My grace is sufficient” When I think of grace, I think of power. Power for what? Power to either turn that weakness into a strength or power to let go of that weakness, or caring about it.
  4. The Lord gives us weakness to help us be humble. Humility keeps our hearts soft and our minds receptive to learning and therefore change. Change is what this life is all about!
  5. Humility + faith in Jesus Christ = strength. Weakness can become strength. Do you want to transform your weakness, or do you just simply want to stop thinking you should be different? Both are options.

This reminds me of Kintsugi, the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. You my friend are a piece of art.

    What do we DO about our weakness(es)?

    As I’ve pondered this topic, I think there are two primary paths that can be taken when considering our weakness. One, break the weakness into a series of skills to develop in order to change it into a strength, or two, let it go.

    How do you decide which path to take? You look at your judgement.

    Weakness is not a “problem” until you judge yourself for it.

    If you remove the judgement, is this particular weakness something you still want to change, or is it something you can start to overlook?

    Example 1

    When my kids were little, before I started my self-healing journey, I was a yeller. I was perfectionistic and when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to go, I would get upset and react in the form of yelling.

    Now, I could take the judgement away from this equation and not make it a bad thing that I yell. But for me, it would still be something I would want to change. Not necessarily for myself, but for my kids.

    If I knew yelling would have no negative consequences, I still wouldn’t be the kind of person who yells. I would take the path of breaking this weakness down into a series of skills to work on.

    Example 2

    I am a night owl. I was trained to be a night owl by my night owl mother. I have tried to change this about me for over 20 years.

    But honestly, if i take the judgement out of the equation, it’s not really something I want to change anymore. I would rather build my life around my circadian rhythm. If I knew it was neither good, nor bad, I would just let it go.

    Let’s explore each path: Break the weakness into a series of skills to develop.

    • When Taylor Swift didn’t win the Grammy in 2009, and Kanye West made fun of her, she didn’t give up and cower in shame. She decided she just needed to get better. The following years became the most prolific years of her career. And she got better. Now she has won several Grammys! Be like Taylor Swift.
    • Something to remember when you’re wanting to break your weakness down into a series of skills is Weakness can be a strength overused or under used.
    • Example: Confidence is a strength. Taken too far, it turns into pride or being condescending. Confidence underused is insecurity.
    • Example: Strength = overlook imperfections. Taken too far, now there’s a mess that affects your mental health, perhaps. If overlooking imperfections is the strength, when it is underused we get perfectionism, which can be as equally paralyzing as too much stuff around!

    I encourage you to focus only on one weakness and consider if it is a strength under or overused.

    Once you know if your weakness is your strength under or over used, you can start to break it down into actionable steps to work on.

    Let it go. Stop caring that you carry this particular weakness.

    Can our weakness be signs for things we aren’t supposed to spend our time or attention on?

    Overall, I think we are trying to do too much. Most of us would feel better if we were able to put some boundaries around what we do and don’t do.

    Boundaries

    I don’t like to cook. When the sign ups at church go around for taking meals to a family, I pass it along trusting cooking and serving in that way is someone else’s strength.

    When a sign up goes around for helping someone clean, I’m the first to sign up! Knowing my strengths and weaknesses helps me make decisions around how I do and do not spend my time.

    Can you cater to your strengths instead of your weaknesses?

    Lastly, I just want to get you started on the next step whether you are choosing to break your weakness down into actionable steps or you want to learn to let it go.

    • You are still going to think about your weakness, and you are going to still see it as a weakness. Have a plan for what to think about when this comes up in your mind.
    • If you are letting it go: remind yourself that you’ve decided to let this weakness go. It’s not worth the time and effort. We all have weaknesses and this is one of mine. I have limited time and attention, and I choose not to focus on this one, at least right now. Someone else has this strength. Now let’s redirect either to what we are doing in the present moment or to one of your strengths.
    • If you are developing skills, you can remind yourself that you are working on ___ and focus on the skill you are developing.

    Self Judgement

    My 15 year old son plays baseball. Yesterday, his dad and I heard him say “I can’t hit breaking balls.” (For anyone that doesn’t know, a breaking ball is a ball who’s trajectory changes as it reaches the plate. Like a curve ball.)

    We pointed out the assumption in his statement of self-judgment that would lead to not being able to hit breaking balls. Instead of saying “I can’t hit breaking balls” he can say to himself “I am working on hitting breaking balls” or even “I am learning how to see a breaking ball out of the pitcher’s hand.”

            If you feel blessed, but not good, maybe you are thinking about your weaknesses the wrong way.

            I would love to continue the conversation with you! What makes it difficult for you to feel good? Please let me know by emailing podcast@denitabremer.com or come find me on Instagram or Facebook at Denita Bremer.

            Last thing, before I send you off: This is a new podcast and I think it has the potential to do a lot of good in the world. If you would like to be a part of my mission of helping people feel better with a Christian perspective, please leave the podcast a review. And bonus, you might even win a fun prize if you do! Speaking of prizes, it’s time to pick the 3rd winner!

            The 3rd winner of the If I’m So Blessed Why Can’t I Feel Good Podcast Launch Giveaway is…..

            gymgirl3911 who said: I absolutely adore Denita’s voice and the way she frames her mission. If you’re looking for clarity in your life this is the podcast for you. So grateful for the message. You have won a $20 Amazon gift card! Please email podcast@denitabremer.com to claim your prize!

            Thank you to everyone who has left a review; I officially reached my goal of having 50 written reviews by the end of March 2024! Even though it’s now April, you can still win! I have two more winners to announce in the next two episodes. If you are outside the United States or are leaving a review on a platform other than Apple podcasts, please email podcast at denitabremer.com so I can enter you into the drawing.

            And I can’t forget the disclaimer: This contest is hosted by me, Denita Bremer, and is not affiliated with Apple, Apple Podcasts, Instagram, Facebook, Meta, or any other company. Odds of winning depend on number of entrants, but are about 1 in 50.

            That’s enough for now, and so are you!

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            Cello music is written, recorded and produced by Jacqueline Walker.

            This podcast is recorded by me, Denita Bremer, and produced by Denita Bremer Studios.