This week, I reflect on several instances when I spoke up and when I stayed quiet and the threads I learned. This episode is partially me processing what being “shy” has meant to me, based off of what I am learning about my nervous system. I focus on how I was made to feel alone and abandoned or hurt and ashamed.
This episode was sparked by an experience I had when I felt myself get really nervous and stumble over my words in front of one of my coaches and mentors. I got curious about what was happening, an I realized that my nervous system was both in “freeze” and “flight” mode. Then I had several memories come the the surface that felt similar.
I realized that the identity of being shy, that I was given by my parents as a child, was really a similar nervous system response.
As I reflected on these many memories from childhood, I saw patterns emerging. When I speak up, I feel alone, ostracized, abandoned. When I don’t speak up, I hurt others or myself. Quite the catch-22!
I know now that I can recognize this pattern, but there are other options I can choose. I hope this helps you navigate your desires to speak up or stay quiet too.