When I meet with clients for the first time, I explain to them how being willing to feeling their feelings can make a big difference in their lives, but I always get the same question: How do I feel my feelings? So I thought I would demonstrate what I mean. Listen in as I process the feeling of tired in this episode.
Today we’re going to answer the question, how do I feel my feelings? So there is a difference between talking about or thinking about your feelings and actually feeling them.
And this one idea, this one learning of how to actually feel your feelings can change your life. And I know this because it changed my life. So if you’re anything like me, if you were a good student, if you love to learn and read, you probably really enjoy being in your mind. And there’s a reason for this, it’s not true for everyone, but for many of us, it’s because being in your body doesn’t feel safe or hasn’t felt safe in the past.
So I learned about this distinction between talking about your feelings and actually feeling your feelings by a gal named Rachel Hart, she’s a stop drinking coach, which is kind of funny because I’m LDS and so I don’t drink alcohol at all, but I know her from my days with the life coach school one year at the life coach school mastermind.
She did an entire presentation about this topic and it was the one thing of two and a half days of presentations and different learnings that I took away from that mastermind. I came home from that mastermind and decided that I needed to do what Rachel Hart told us to do, which was to practice getting in our bodies and actually feeling our feelings.
And as I considered this, I realized that, well, one of the things that she said we could do, like a kind of an easy introduction into this work, was to go on walks for the purpose of feeling what’s in your body. And I realized that I love walking. I love being outside. We’ve got fantastic trails and a greenbelt right next to my house.
But I never did because I didn’t like feeling cold. And so as I started to solve for that problem, I realized, “Oh, this is exactly what she’s talking about. Cold is a feeling. It’s a sensation in our bodies. And if I have resistance to feeling cold, this is the perfect place to start.” So I’m going to talk next week more about resistance in particular, because I think it’s a special kind of feeling and has some different tactics around it.
But today I just want to talk in general about our feelings, our sensations, our emotions, and the difference between thinking about them and actually feeling them. We get stuck. And this is like something I hear myself saying, something I hear my clients saying, something I just hear normal people out in the world talking about, like, I feel stuck.
And I think the reason we get stuck is because we don’t feel our feelings. We are meant to, our nervous system is meant to respond as we go in and out of stress responses. And when we go into a stress response and the feelings are too much or too fast, we separate ourselves from those feelings by going into a freeze response.
That is the purpose of the freeze response: to adapt to the overwhelm. And we come out of the freeze response when we give ourselves time and resources. So we go into the freeze response because we have to disconnect from ourselves, particularly from the overwhelming feelings that we experience.
And in order to come out of that response, we have to connect back in with ourselves and we have to do this little by little. We can’t rush it. Right? Because the reason we went into the freeze response was because it was too overwhelming to be with those feelings in our bodies. Or alternatively, we go into a stress response and we get stuck in the fight or flight because we aren’t connecting to the sensations in the fight or flight part of our nervous system in that response.
And so again, there’s a kind of separation. From ourselves, and we’re just sort of going through the motions. So being able to be with the sensations in the fight or flight grows our capacity to be with that activation. And it allows us to come out of that active response out of that stress response.
So ideally we’re going into a stress response and responding to the stressor and then we come out of it and then there’s no trauma. There’s no kind of stuck emotion. But that doesn’t always happen. So the process, the reason why I wanted to bring this up on the podcast is because it came up in a free session that someone signed up for, which by the way, if you haven’t signed up for a free session, you totally should. It’s free session, no strings attached. It’s just to give you a little taste of this work and to help you understand how it might help you in your life.
Oftentimes, when I meet with someone for the first time ever, they want to talk about their problems, which is very common. It’s like, yes, I get it. This is how we relate to one another.
But once I have a general sense of what’s going on for them and what they’re wanting, I almost always ask, how does it feel in your body? And this week I had a free session with someone and their response was basically like, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t…what?” And so it’s one of the questions that I think we ask all the time. Like, how do you actually do this? How do you actually feel your feelings?
And as I tried to help this person and support this person in feeling their feelings, and I was demonstrating and explaining about the sensations in your body and giving options, hot or cold, big or small, sharp or dull, those kinds of things, there was a lot of resistance, and so I had to use a specific example, which was “How does your hand feel right now? Like what are the sensations in your hand?” And this person was like flabbergasted, like “I don’t, I don’t know.” So it’s just something that I see we don’t really know. Like we can know logically, yes feel your feelings, but when we start actually doing it we’re like, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
So I thought I would give you an example. A few days ago I was trying to get some work done and I just felt so tired. And so I noticed myself feeling tired and I noticed some resistance to that feeling and I kind of paused and I said, you know what’s really going on? And so I’m gonna use this as an example.
I actually started typing these things up as I was processing this feeling of tired. And then I realized that it would be better if I created a voice note in my Voxer. And so that’s what I did. So this is an example of me processing the emotion or the sensation of tired. I’m going to first tell you the first few things that came up and then I’ll drop you into the voice memo that I sent myself.
It’s about five minutes long, and then I’ll have a few, um, words after that. So the first thing I noticed was I was really wanting some chocolate and I was thinking like, “Oh my gosh, chocolate would be so yummy.” And it just was a cue to me that something was off. And so I asked myself what’s really going on.
And the response was, “I feel tired.” And immediately another kind of response was, “That’s what I hate, feeling the most tired.” It’s like the set of sensations that I least like to feel. And immediately having kind of witnessed myself, tears came up. I wrote, “It feels like powerless.” And then I said, “let’s just feel it.”
So here is the five minute Voxer note. And then I will be back with some more thoughts.
Okay. I’m just going to walk through what it feels like to feel tired. The first thing I notice is my eyes. Um, actually I notice my lips are really dry and I want some chapstick. But my eyes, like my eyelids feel, they don’t really feel heavy, but they feel like they want to close.
So I’m just gonna let them close. You notice I’m rubbing my feet together. There’s kind of a heaviness across my brow. Opening my eyes now and it’s almost like my eyes are a little bit itchy, kind of, It’s like the verge of itchy.
Now I notice like this, um, a sensation in my chest. I instinctively put my hand there and it felt better.
Oh, in my neck and in my shoulders. To me it feels like tightness or even just like almost like soreness. I would classify that as resistance. Ugh, all of a sudden my head feels really heavy, just kind of my whole head. Now I have my eyes closed again, and I’m just letting my head droop.
I think I could, like, legitimately fall asleep.
My breathing is deepening. I don’t want to fall asleep, though.
So what’s coming up for me is that I have things to do. So I’m looking out the window and the sun is bright. It’s a little breezy.
There’s that sensation in my chest again. It’s like, um, maybe like a small ball pushing outward a little bit, a little outward, a little upward.
My breath feels shallow. I’m hunching forward,
don’t burp, swallowing.
I noticed the corners of my eyes feels tight, blinking a couple of times.
Now I notice my arms, my arms feel really heavy
and I notice also that my hands are clasped together and I was squeezing them a little bit and as soon as I noticed that they loosened up a bit.
oh, oh, yawn, I let myself really deeply yawn and my jaw stretched open. It was like that created a little bit of space. My eyes are like, it’s like a cross between itchy and stinging.
Oh, I just lost it. I went somewhere in my mind. I don’t even know where. So I’m back in my body again.
I just feel like I want to close my eyes and curl up and sleep. I have a list of things to do that I’d like to get done today, but I really just want to sleep.
My eyes are closed, my brow is relaxed.
Feels like the saliva in my mouth is pooling,
like I’m starting to let go, my whole body feels soft, and it feels like I just want to drift off, so. I think maybe I need to take a little nap.
Okay. So that was pretty awesome, right? It was real time, me processing my emotion, feeling my feelings, being in my body, noticing what was in my body and it’s essentially naming the sensations.
But you do get better with practice, right? And if you notice, this isn’t something that’s very complicated. We want it to be complicated because, well, one of my hunches is that we don’t want to feel stupid, right? If we say, “Oh, I don’t know how to feel my feelings,” then it’s a really simple thing.
It’s like, “Oh, well that I feel stupid now.” But by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. And this is one of the small and simple things that I wholeheartedly believe will bring great things in your life. It has done that for me. I feel so much more connected to myself, so much more in alignment with myself, so much more trust in myself, because here’s the thing-
When we feel our feelings, we complete some stress cycles that never got to complete and it leads to healing for sure, but we also foster that trust in ourselves. And I feel like that is even more important. The healing is important, but the trust in ourselves is even more important. So I do want to just say that I did go take that nap.
And after the nap, I felt much better and all the things that I was wanting to accomplish that day did eventually get accomplished. And I felt so much more in tune with myself and aligned. And I just think that that is such a big success.
So this is the work that we do in Presence. This is also the work that I do with my one on one clients, but Presence is where I really focus on helping support people, get in tune with dropping into their bodies and actually feeling the sensations and what’s happening in your body.
You would be so surprised. It’s like a, almost like a spiritual work. It’s just an amazing work that is so simple, but so effective and life changing. So I want to invite you to Presence. And I also want to say that from now until January 6th, when I come back after the Christmas breaks, because I am planning some travel for Thanksgiving and for Christmas, if you join presence, you will get six private sessions as a bonus to be used anytime the year you’re in presence.
And I am currently in the process of rethinking some of my offers and my pricing structure. So it’s likely that the price of Presence is going to go up. So if you’ve been wanting to join, if it feels like there’s that little, that little voice or that little tug, like, “Hmm, we should check that out.” Now is the time and sign up for a free session.
And I do also just want to say that I’m just a normal person with a podcast. Normal people can have podcasts. I am not some celebrity. You don’t have to think of me as like on a pedestal. I am a normal person doing a normal life, trying to feel good and feel successful and do the things that I feel led to do by the Spirit and have a great family and all of that, all the things that you want for yourself, I want for me.
And I have just been led to be, I guess a kind of a leader, but I really think of this as servant leadership. So if you’ve been thinking that, “Oh, I can’t sign up for a free session because she’s just so amazing. And she’s like so much different than me,” It’s just false. It’s just a way that Satan is trying to get you to not heal and to not move forward in your life.
I’m genuinely a normal person that has learned some skills that might help you.
That’s enough for now. And so are you. If this podcast has been helpful for you, would you please take a minute to leave a rating or review and share it with a friend so others can find this free help?
Remember that I’m a life coach, not a doctor or a psychologist. Any suggestions or advice mentioned in this podcast should not be a substitute for medical or mental health care.
Until next time, go be yourself and follow the spirit.