My fabulous coach, Amber Taylor, walked me through some inner child work recently, and it blew my mind and I think changed me forever.

Getting started doing your own inner child work

Here are the steps to start experimenting with inner child work on your own.

  1. What are you feeling now?
    • What feeling is it?
    • Where in your body?
    • How does it feel to allow it, welcome it even?

2. When have you felt that in the past?

-Don’t search too hard, just if something obvious comes to you.
-Examine the situation from a more objective perspective (your current self).
-You may not be able to do that if the situation is too charged. If that’s the case, just feel.

3. Can you connect with yourself from back then?

-Can you see her?
-What is she like? What is she wearing? Where is she?

4. What would you tell that version of yourself?

-Imagine your adult self alone with this child self of you.
-In 1-2 sentences, what do you want to tell her?
-How does she respond?

5. What happens when the current version of yourself believes what you told her?

-What if what you need to hear NOW is what you told your inner child?
-Does it change anything for you?

My Experience

I was working through self-doubt and realized it made me feel similar to how I felt in 5th grade. I had a terrible teacher who created an environment ripe for trauma. I always felt like fear wrapped in uncertainty. Through a series of unfortunate events, I got a detention I couldn’t serve because I had to catch the bus home. Instead I served an “in-house detention” where I sat all day in a quiet room, completed my assignments and then read the rest of the day. I would have preferred that to any day in 5th grade.

My coach lead me through an inner child exercise using the steps above. I imagined my 5th grade self in that in-house room. We were alone together. Then my coach asked me what I would want to say to her. Almost instantly I knew what I wanted to tell my 5th grade self. I could see how fragile she was living in fear and uncertainty.

“None of this matters. Do whatever you want.”

And telling her, I was so certain. Grade five reports cards don’t matter. She didn’t have to try so hard to impress anyone. She didn’t have to prove her worth to some unhappy fifty year old teacher in a depressed rural town– or anyone else.

Knowing that none of it matters- once she believed me- gave her an injection of confidence. She understood that her awful teacher no longer had any power over her.

My coach kept asking questions, but I wasn’t listening much because my body could feel the difference in my current self: “None of this matters. Do whatever you want.”

I could “see” how I’ve still been trying to prove myself to some fictional teacher who was holding my report card over me. Except there really is no report card. There’s nobody holding me accountable. None of this matters. I can do whatever I want.

This business, this book– there is nobody judging me except myself. This exercise truly helped me not only see it, but feel it. I can feel a difference.

I’ve outlined 5 steps you can take to begin connecting with your inner child. I hope it changes things as much as it has for me.

If you listen to this episode and you want to do more inner child work, sign up for a free safety check session.