You get results when you are willing to be vulnerable

Friends! I’ve made it! This is the 30th post in 30 days!

Thank you all for following along and reading.

Don’t worry, I will keep writing, but maybe not quite so often. I would like to give myself weekends off at least.

Have you been reading regularly, but not making yourself known?

I invite you to reach out. Be vulnerable.

The thing I learned from my vulnerable post yesterday is: you get results when you are willing to be vulnerable.

I hope you can see how this applies to sex and intimacy.

Your sexual relationship requires vulnerability from you.

When you open yourself up, you allow people to see the real you.

Intimacy = Into me see

Then they move closer.

That’s when you are able to surrender yourself to connection and pleasure.

It’s human nature to want to be connected.

We are social beings.

Even the least social among us.

There is a divinity within us that yearns for belonging, worth and love.

You belong.

You are valuable beyond measure.

You are lovable and loved.

Because if nobody else has said it today, I love you.

I cracked myself open yesterday and the 28 days before that, which allowed me to love myself more fully and that helps me love you more fully.

This post is so late (10:30 pm where I am) because I loved myself today.

I went slow.

I did what felt loving to me all day.

I scheduled a 9 pm massage.

It was lovely.

And you know what?

I totally deserved it.

I was worth it.

And so are you.

You are worth a close, loving marriage.

You are worth sexual pleasure.

It doesn’t make you dirty or bad or impure.

Loving your sex life– really doing the work to be vulnerable and getting closer to your spouse– will strengthen the mindset muscles you need to love yourself, love your life, and love other people.

It will change everything for you.

It doesn’t matter if you hire a coach because you want to lose weight, have anxiety or want a better sex life.

It all comes down to loving yourself and seeing that you have value.

And love feels so good.

When you love yourself, you are the one that gets to feel love.

And when you feel loved, you radiate it to the world.

It ripples out, creating goodness everywhere.

It becomes a true, genuine joy that connects you to everyone in the world.

I know this sounds a little woo-woo.

But it’s everything.

Love yourself.

If you could do what it takes to love yourself on your own, you would have done it already.

I invite you to schedule a chat with me.

Maybe we will click and maybe we won’t.

But you will never find out if you don’t try.

Take 1 hour to do something for yourself. I promise it will be worth it.

I will show you where your blind spots or stumbling blocks are.

I will explain how to address them.

Be vulnerable with me.

Whatever excuse your brain in giving you right now to not click that link to schedule a call, that is the reason why you really need to do it.

If you think you are too busy or don’t have enough time, I will help you make time in your life and create a life that is peaceful and purposeful.

If you think you are too shy or it would be embarrassing, feeling shy and embarrassed it the currency to getting what you want in life.

If you think I am going to pressure you to buy something, you are wrong. My job is just to be the champion for your dream. I truly just want to serve.

If you think your spouse wouldn’t approve, then you are giving all your power to him and I that is why you feel powerless, helpless, and unloved.

I use Christian principles, powerful life coaching tools, and love to help you live the life you want.

If you are reading this, I know I can help you. I believe 100% in the tools I use. And I believe in your capacity to change.

There is truly nothing to fear but fear itself.

Email me at denitabremercoaching at gmail dot com

or schedule using my online calendar: calendly.com/denitabremercoaching/consult

I’ll be waiting for your message.

XOXO
Your Life Coach, Denita

I felt doubt and fear, and then I journaled and coached myself. This is what it looks like.

Self-doubt and fear of failure are par for the course for any entrepreneur (or any person for that matter!), but these two emotions came up for me big-time today. I called my coach (JillFreestone.com) for an emergency session. She only had 20 minutes, but it was enough to get me some large realizations.

My biggest takeaway was that I have a hard time feeling vulnerable. Also, I am not really letting myself feel my feelings all the way.

Soooo… after I got off the call with her, I sat and just wrote and wrote. SIX pages. And I am not done.

In the interest of letting myself be vulnerable and feeling fear and doing it anyway, here is what I found. This is my stream of consciousness with notes in parentheses:

  • What am I feeling? (Keep in mind, this was after opening up to Jill and feeling lots of feelings.)
    • Inadequate– did I not even know what that felt like? Have I been avoiding this feeling?
    • Fear– something has gone wrong, to fail, to not make any money, to be a burden on my family and my husband
    • Angry– that I have to feel this way to move forward. this is hard.
    • Lonely– nobody cares about me, nobody understands me, nobody respects me, nobody loves me
    • Unloved– my family [of origin] rejects me, my family doesn’t care. I shouldn’t have been born. I should quit now. I was a mistake. I cause pain and suffering. I am a mistake. (Interesting I didn’t identify shame coming up, but maybe I just didn’t notice that in the moment.) (I also made a note here that I haven’t been reading my scriptures or saying my prayers since being on vacation and being out of routine.)
  • Vibrations I am feeling (I had so many feelings that I couldn’t identify just one, so I just listed all the vibrations.)
    • tears
    • tight throat
    • full chest, heart beating faster
    • want to close my eyes
    • runny nose
    • hot cheeks
    • tired back (from sitting 3 hours?)
    • pulling my lips down into a frown
    • emptiness in chest/stomach
  • None of my “success” has come from loving myself, feeling joy. It has all come from trying to prove something. Pushing myself. covering the fear/vulnerability.
  • The urgency has passed. Now I feel like a train wreck. Puffy eyes, red face,
  • I keep seeing that I can’t do anything because it costs money. Ultimately I don’t feel valuable. I am worthless. I should die… except that won’t solve it either. This is the job of the Atonement.
  • I really feel like eating something sweet now. (I haven’t been eating chocolate since Jan. 1, 2019 and no sweet treats since Sunday.) I want to get away from these feelings. Maybe I’m scared to feel? What if I kept feeling? I would be weak. People would have to make up for my slacking. I’m clearly not allowed to feel. How is all this true?
    • I AM INADEQUATE! I can’t get myself back to heaven.
    • I am weak. Only through the Savior am I ever strong.
    • I am unloved. By plenty of people. (Like millions of strangers.)
    • I should be afraid! Of what God thinks and his consequences.
    • I am totally and completely imperfect.
    • —> And all of this is how it’s supposed to be.
    • —> I only fail if I stop trying.
  • Truly what if I am not enough? Then I’ll be rejected. Then what? I’ll be alone and unloved. Then what? <Long pause for reflection.> I am not enough. Nobody is. Now what? I can do anything I want. What do I want? Follow and love Christ. Be his example. Love. Love Christ. Be enough for yourself. What does that look like?
    • Going slow
    • Keeping a clean house
    • Massages and alone time
    • Being affectionate
    • Bearing testimony
    • Listen to piano music
    • Spend money on myself
    • Eat well
    • Organize
    • READ
  • What do I need to believe about myself in order to love me?
    • I love myself
    • I’m ok the way I am
    • I belong to myself
    • I can love myself no matter what
    • Everybody is equal
    • I have nothing to prove
  • What else do I need to believe? (I was thinking about all the things I love and why.)
    • Life is beautiful.
    • Everything is perfect just the way it is.
    • God is stacking things in my favor.
    • God loves me.
    • I am so much.
    • I have so much.
    • Becoming whole is possible.
    • Heavenly Father has my back.
    • I am 100% valuable and worthy.
    • I like being around myself.
    • I accept myself 100%
    • I like me!
    • I feel safe.
    • I’m one of my favorite people.
    • I am beautiful.
    • I am my self. (i.e. “He is my son”)
    • This is how it was meant to be.
    • I’ve put so much work into myself.
    • I feel good.
    • I know myself.
    • I am doing my best.
    • I am a hard worker.
    • I am smart.
    • I am loyal.
    • I am my kind of person.

***

Ok, that’s where I ended my thought download/self-coaching. I want to keep going and ask myself “Who do I want to be?” That came up in my coaching with Jill. My knee-jerk reaction is “I don’t know.” So she challenged me to decide and try it out and then make adjustments.

I thought all sorts of things as I typed all this up. Things like, This is too vulnerable. People will think I am crazy. People will feel sorry for me. People will be concerned for me. People won’t like me. They will see how broken I am. This is unprofessional. My legs are bouncing like crazy, which is one thing that happens when I am really nervous.

And I just wanted to tell you that 3 things really made an impact after this exercise. 1. Recognizing I am not enough. I have been fighting this so hard for my whole life. Realizing that I don’t have to fight it and I can still live my life was powerful. I don’t have to prove my enoughness, because it’s false. I can just let it be and let the Atonement of Jesus Christ take over for me.
2. When I wrote down I belong to myself I think I actually heard my brain click. It was like I’ve been trying to belong to everybody else for so long, not realizing the only one I really need to belong to is me. I think I remember reading something from Bren√© Brown about Maya Angelou in this vein. I’ll have to go back and find it.
3. When I wrote down I am so much I was like, “Wow.” It’s true. Each of us is so complex. It felt good. As if I’ve been trying to prove “enough” but really I should have been looking for “so much.”

I think that’s it for now. I am suuuuuper tempted to not post this and to just keep it a draft, but I think it would defeat the purpose.

I am ready to feel all the emotions.

If my clients can get vulnerable, I can too.

I have to tell you something private. This was not in my blogging plan. And it’s a little vulnerable– maybe borderline TMI. (Don’t tell my hubby that I wrote this out for the entire internet to read. Although we all know in his heart of hearts he would love to brag about this.) I figure if my clients can open up and be vulnerable, I can too.

Today has been a super full day. My girls leave for girl’s camp in the morning and they not only had to pack, but shop for clothes. There was a BBQ and voice lessons and piano lessons and grocery shopping and laundry and ALL. THE. THINGS.

But at one point I found myself making out with my husband. With two kids in the house. Awake.

So first of all Mama of little ones: know that it gets better. Those kids who need you constantly, who make you all “touched-out,” get to a point where you can leave them unsupervised for chunks of time.

We had a kid pick-up and drop-off to make, so the making-out had to be put on hold. He ran that kid around and when he got home… well…. {we had sex}. Again with kids in the house and awake. And it was good. (TMI?)

I share this because not too long ago, I would have never been able to do it. During the day, when it was light out, and kids. Kids! Awake!

I used to think I was too tired and busy. I used to think that if I had sex whenever he wanted it, we would constantly be in bed and I would never get anything done. I used to believe sex was for him.

No longer my friend. It only took us 15 minutes and I have been able to get everything done today that I had planned!

Who have I become?!

I have become a woman who loves her sex life. Who loves sex. Who’da-thunk?

I have been able to let go of so many obstacles to get to this point. And it is not a gimmick when I say that life coaching is what got me here. Because all those obstacles I speak of? They were all in my mind.

My husband and I have been blessed with a strong and passionate marriage. But I am still the lower/responsive desire in my marriage like so many of you are. Our sex life has not always been an easy thing for both of us.

But I am living proof that it CAN be.

I am filled with gratitude at this life of mine. I am literally living my dream. My marriage is amazing. I feel like I am a fabulous mom. Sure there are relationships I could work on, but these ones that I have contact with daily, if not by the minute are the ones I care the most about. This is the abundant life.

Friends, I invite you to schedule a free call with me. I’d love to show you how you can live your most abundant life. A great sex life is the proof. And if you aren’t ready for that, join my Facebook group, follow me on Instagram or Facebook or grab my free pdf to get yourself started on improving your sex mindset.