If you have any history of sexual abuse or trauma of any kind, a likely experience regarding sex in your marriage is getting triggered.
I have a simple but powerful exercise to address this.
Journal out what happened to you. Try to remember as much detail as possible. This will most likely be an emotional experience. Pay attention to these emotions. Take note of what you are feeling and why.
If you are afraid of being triggered, recognize that what you are really afraid of is feeling how you felt while the trauma was happening or immediately afterward.
Let me use an example:
You might be afraid to be triggered because it makes you feel out of control.
When you feel out of control, you want to shut down.
When you shut down, you get the result of feeling like you will always be afraid of trigger and feeling out of control.
Notice that in this example, you are afraid of feeling out of control, but you already ARE out of control.
What if you could just feel out of control?
You don’t need to be afraid of a feeling.
A feeling is just a vibration in your body.
You are human and therefore an expert in emotions. You feel emotions every day.
Releasing yourself from fearing the feeling takes off one layer of emotion and gets you closer to how you actually want to feel.
Welcome the feeling.
Name it when it happens.
Describe it in your body.
It will come and go in waves, and eventually it may never come back.
Love you friend.
Go forth and feel those feelings!