The one thing you are forgetting in all your relationship striving

Hey Lady,

I see you there.

I see how you are trying to do it all– be a good wife, mom, sister and daughter.

-Teach your kids well.

-Stay close to your husband so that your marriage is strong.

-Be there for your siblings.

-Accommodate your parents, even when it feels exhausting.

-Remember to pray, do scripture study and get to the temple “regularly.”

Relationships are important! Families are forever!

But sometimes you just want to hide or run away. (Not for real, just in your fantasy.) It feels like a heavy burden some days.

“People should be more important that stuff.”

And people are more important, you’re just forgetting a really important person in the equation of people and stuff.

You.

I know– that feels selfish.

We are socialized so hard on not being selfish, that when we do something for ourselves, we think we are being selfish.

Is it selfish that your daughter wants to keep doing gymnastics?

Or that your son enjoys baseball?

Or that your husband trains for that tough mudder?

Is it selfish that your parents want to take a trip for their anniversary and you won’t be celebrating with them?

Is it selfish that your sister and her husband are taking a trip and leaving their kids with you again?

No! None of these things are selfish. They are just preferences. Desires.

So how about it?

Your desires and preferences and needs are just as important as everyone else’s.

If you are feeling resentful, it is because in your mind, you are putting yourself as not as important. And because that isn’t true, it feels terrible.

So make yourself important.

It’s already the truth, you just gotta give yourself permission to start living it.

So what is it you would do just for you? (And let’s just pretend you don’t have to worry about money in this situation, ‘kay?)

Make time to write? Hire a house cleaner? Get a massage? Get back to dancing?

Dream big! Be honest!

Okay, so how can you do it? What’s getting in your way?

I know, you don’t have money for it. That’s the biggest complaint.

There’s a difference between making a temporary sacrifice and restricting your life.

I mean, what’s the purpose of your money if it’s not to pay for things that make life a meaningful life?

Sure, there are “necessities” like food, water and heat. I get that.

But if your finances are able to pay for anything beyond necessities, but you are miserable, then what’s the point?

And what if, by spending on that thing that will make you come alive, you can actually CREATE money for your family?

I know it might seem absurd, but when you are happy, you have less need for other things.

I just want you to think about it. What if you could afford it?

And the same holds true for time.

What if by taking better care of yourself, you actually create time in your life?

It could happen.

First, believe that you can find a way to make it work.

Second, love yourself enough to do it.

Third, go do it.

Go on. Don’t wait for me! Go be YOU!

XOXO,
Your life coach

Love yourself to improve the world

Elder Uchtdorf recommends 5 steps to share the Gospel with the world:

  1. Draw close to God.
  2. Fill your heart with love for others.
  3. Strive to walk the path of discipleship.
  4. Share what is in your heart.
  5. Trust the Lord to work His miracles.

Two things struck me during our lesson today in reference to this topic:

  1. Several times, the discussion leader and others in the audience said, “missionary work is hard.” My thought was, “Missionary work is hard if you think it is hard.” What if missionary work is actually really easy?

    What if believing something is difficult is what makes it difficult? We can apply this to anything in our lives. If we believe sex is difficult, then our brains will find all the evidence that it is difficult. When we work on believing sex is easy, we will find evidence for that as well.
  2. It is difficult to fill our hearts with love for others when we don’t have love for ourselves. Loving ourselves always comes first. Our brain doesn’t compartmentalize our lives. The same “muscles” we use to love ourselves are what we need to develop in order to love others.

    A lack of loving ourselves is something I see often in my coaching. I am seeing more and more how a lack of love is truly at the root of all our problems.
Loving one another includes loving yourself.
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

So my Sabbath message to you tonight is to work on loving yourself. You are 100% lovable and worthy. Believe that it’s true and it will come true.

Roughly 2.5 years ago I found these life coaching ideas. The past few days I have allowed myself to spend some time filling up in gratitude for all the personal progress I have made on myself, and the opportunity I have to share with others. I love myself so much more than when I started out. I believe that I am enough. I know that nothing I do can prove my value, so everything I do is because I want to- because I want to share the goodness that has come into my life. In a blessing I received years ago I was told that I would be successful in my work and my career. To me, success means serving others and improving their lives. I can’t wait for that to come true!

I love the Gospel I live. I love Jesus Christ who is my Savior. I KNOW he lives. I am so grateful for my family and this amazing dream life I am living. I have been blessed beyond what I deserve. Every day I am trying to be an example of happiness and joy so that others will feel moved to do the same. Because anything is possible!