Do you believe sex is important for a marriage?
Why do you have sex?
Do these two reasons align?
There are a variety of reasons to have sex but your personal reason matters to the quality of your sex life.
I am assuming you believe sex is important in marriage, or else you probably wouldn’t be here reading. (Please feel free to comment and let me know if I am wrong!)
If the reason you think sex is important is because it brings you closer to your husband, but then you have sex just so he will quit asking, I submit to you that there is a disconnect! This may be why you don’t love your sex life!
Your personal reason has to be compelling to YOU.
When we have sex FOR our husbands and not for ourselves, it tends to breed resentment and dislike. Or even just apathy.
Would you like to have sex with someone who doesn’t really care about it?
I was once talking with a client about why she has sex and I offered that it connects husband and wife. She recoiled at the thought. She was feeling too connected to her husband and desperately wanted space from him to be her own person.
For someone else, connection may be what they are craving.
If you believe sex is important because it’s fun, and you have sex because you find it pleasurable and fun, your reasons are aligned and you are probably having a great sex life! (Why are you here? Go have some sex!)
Sometimes clients tell me it is selfish to do things for themselves. But when it comes to sex, THAT’S THE WHOLE PURPOSE. This selfishness non-sense is cultural messaging that is not useful.
When two people come together (each for their own reasons) and have sex for the sheer pleasure of it, the experience is magical. The intimacy increases and the pleasure increases.
Ladies, you are entitled to have pleasure just because you want it. You don’t even have to deserve it!
Find a reason for sex that is just your own personal reason and is not for anybody else. Then go and have sex and try it out. Does it improve the experience?