She needed me to love her.

She needed me to love her.

I started to write that my relationship with my mom was complicated. But it’s not even true. It was a simple relationship: I was here to love her and take care of her. Yes, she took care of me physically for a long time, and she taught me a lot about how to be...
Abandoned, yet again.

Abandoned, yet again.

It didn’t always work. I was young and didn’t have the self-control required. Once, we were at the lake and he was throwing all the kids into the water. He was the only adult that really played with us and made the boringness of growing up poor a little lighter. I...
The day I grew up.

The day I grew up.

“He puts his hand down my pants and touches me!” Standing face to face with my mother in our front yard (if you could call the dirt patch next to 3 broken down cars a front yard), I remember not knowing what to say and just blurting these words out. I was eleven or...
“The Kingdom of God is at hand.”

“The Kingdom of God is at hand.”

What if Christ IS the Kingdom of God? Then the kingdom of God was at hand, truly. This used to confuse me, because it has now been over 2000 years since he proclaimed that statement. But I was thinking the kingdom of God was a place. Not a person. If Christ is the...
What I see in the mirror isn’t “right”

What I see in the mirror isn’t “right”

Yesterday, I looked in the mirror and I thought, “It doesn’t match what I see on the inside.” For basically my whole life I’ve thought I was ugly. But yesterday I realized ‘ugly’ wasn’t the right word. I don’t know the word for it. It’s just what I SEE isn’t “right.”...
I give thanks for the hard stuff

I give thanks for the hard stuff

I am practicing being grateful for the stuff that’s hard. The stuff we don’t normally give thanks for. I give thanks that my mom died when I was 20. It shaped who I am today. I give thanks for not having close relationships with my family of origin. It makes me even...